


Be Still My Heart

by janellio



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before (Movies), To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - College/University, College, F/M, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:21:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 21,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25820533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/janellio/pseuds/janellio
Summary: John Ambrose never moved away and Lara Jean actually gave him his letter. He and Lara Jean dated all through high school, the plan when they graduate to go to the same college but she doesn’t get into his first choice and he doesn’t get into hers. And then right before they leave, he dumps her.Lara Jean arrives on campus with a broken heart but is shocked to see Peter Kavinksy, the ex-boyfriend of her high school enemy there as well.They end up hanging out, reconnecting and becoming friends again. Lots of late night studying while complaining about their exes. Then one night just the two of them, she suggests that maybe they should try hooking up?There is no way this could be a bad idea.
Relationships: Genevieve "Gen"/Peter Kavinsky, John Ambrose McClaren & Lara Jean Song-Covey, John Ambrose McClaren/Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky & Lara Jean Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky/Lara Jean Song-Covey
Comments: 124
Kudos: 271





	1. Chapter 1

“I think we should break up.”

“What?” Lara Jean blurts out, the fork that was loaded with maple syrup soaked pancakes hits her cheek instead of her going in her mouth. She winces, wiping her face, but she’s sure she must have heard him wrong, “What did you just say?”

John Ambrose Mclaren leans over to take her hands in his and looks at her in that soft way that he always does, patient and understanding, “Lara Jean, we’re going to be at different schools.”

“So?” she asks, confused. She cannot believe this is happening. 

“It’s going to be our first year, we’re going to be stressed from classes and pretty far away from home, I want to be practical about this.” she pulls her hands out of his and crosses her arms. 

“You’re only going to be at Reed College, it’s only 2 hours away!”

“Lara Jean, we’re not gonna drive back and forth on weekends, we’ll be too busy for that, and I won’t even be allowed to have my car on campus until sophomore year.”

“That’s a dumb reason, John Ambrose. There’s skype there’s face time, we can always zoom and I can take the bus!” but John is already shaking his head.

She narrows her eyes and waits for him to continue. She will not start crying in public.

John sighs heavily and runs a hand through his hair in a familiar frustrated gesture, “No! LJ can’t you understand that…”

“No, I get it John Ambrose. You don’t want to even try long distance with me.” her voice is thick with the effort of keeping back the tears. She flings down her fork and stalks outside before remembering that John drove them there and now she is going to have to sit next to him for the ten minutes it takes to get back to her house. 

She cannot believe her boyfriend of 4 years is dumping her right before their first year of college.

*****

Lara Jean cries for about a week. She cried silently on the drive back to her house when he dropped her off. She was crying when she slammed the car door and flung herself on her bed. She’d be taking a shower and start crying when she remembered the first time she and John kissed or the time he tried to teach her to drive. All the sweet patient things he would do to show her how much he cared.

“Lara Jean.” Kitty yells through her door.

“Go away!”

“Lara Jean, you can’t stay in your room forever!”

“Watch me!”

In between crying she gets mad. She unfriends him on every platform, and untags him from all the pictures on instagram. But she’s not so mad that she wants to destroy every memento or photo. She knows she would regret it if she did, and what if they get back together? But she doesn't want to see them anymore, she takes their prom photos and the dried flowers from the corsage he put on her wrist, the ticket stub form their first date, the first valentines card he gave her, dozens of little physical memories that John had loved her and she had loved him and dumps them all into her teal hatbox. They will be there alongside the letters she wrote to her all her childhood crushes. She shuts the box and puts it up on a shelf in her closet. 

“It’s for the best Lara Jean.” Margot soothes her, rubbing her back. 

“How can you even say that Margot?” Lara Jean moans into her pillow. 

“Look, I know you were with him for a long time but you’ll see! You’re gonna start college with a fresh slate and you're gonna make new friends and meet new people...”

“No.” she lifts her face up and her eyes are swollen and her face is red. 

“You know mom always said, don’t go to college with a boyfriend.” 

“Easy for you to say you, dumped Josh.” she mumbles.

“Lara Jean!” Margot snaps.

She looks up guiltily, her face still half hidden by her pillow. 

“If John Ambrose had wanted to try he would have.”

Well, Margot has got her there. 

*****

She gives in and calls John once.

“Are you sure?” is the only thing she asks him when he picks up.

“I love you.”

This makes her heart swell with hope before he continues, “But it’s for the best.”

She ends the call on her iphone, mad she can’t even slam a phone dramatically the way she wants. 

***

“Lara Jean, you should use this opportunity to go through your hoe phase.” Christine picks at her slice of pizza, picking off the mushrooms and olives that Lara Jean guilted her into getting, using the “I was dumped, let me get the toppings I want.” defense. 

“What?” Lara Jean took a big bite of her slice and nearly choked in shock at what Chris said. 

“Yeah, you were with John for like, all of high school!”

She swallows with difficulty, “That’s four years Chris, I can’t just get over him overnight.”

“The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.”

“ugh…Chris.” Lara Jean grimaces.

“It was four years of the same dude’s lips. Go crazy, make out with a stranger, hook up and don’t call the guy after, be a college girl!”

“I am not even thinking about any one’s lips.”

“You will, there will be some tall handsome buff student athlete at school and you’re gonna wanna climb him like a tree.”

Lara Jean twists her face up, thinking about it. 

“See! I’m just saying college is the time to experiment and have fun.”

“What was your excuse for all of high school?” Lara Jean laughs, teasing her.

“I was an early bloomer.” Chris smirks and slides her pile of toppings over to Lara Jean then finally bites into her slice.

****

“You’re gonna have a great time at college.”

“How do you even know?”

“I know,” Margot says and hugs Lara Jean, “you’re gonna meet new people and some of them will become your best friends. You’ll see.”

Margot waves and disappears around the corner.

“I’ll never get used to seeing her off.” Dad said.

“Yeah,” Lara Jean frowned.

“Can we get ice cream on the way back?” Kitty asked. 

“Sentimental as always, Kitty.” she said and ruffled her hair before Kitty could slap her hand away.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for bearing with me through the time it took to upload this! Maybe starting a new fic at the start of a cross country move wasn't the best of ideas, but I had to. I will be posting with more regularity as all the chapters are pretty much mapped out.

Move in day for college freshman at Pacific Northwest University arrived before Lara Jean could even blink, all her stuff packed into the back of her Dad’s SUV. 

She remembers picking out all the dorm bedding and pillows with John Ambrose at Target, joking how he needed to like everything too. She wonders if he was thinking of breaking up with her even then. John isn’t impulsive like she can be, he probably even wrote himself a pros and cons list. How many times did she kiss him while he was thinking about it, how many times did he say I love you while knowing he was going to break her heart?

Not for the first time she’s glad that he did it during the summer, giving her time to at least cope a little before classes started, John was at least considerate in that way. 

“Ready to go?” Dad knocks on her bedroom door making it swing open, “Honey what are you doing?” he watches what’s happening incredulously. 

“I’m just about ready, I just have to finish…” she huffs and sits on her suitcase, it barely even closes shut. He walks over and puts all his weight on it while she tries zipping it. 

“I think you could do with fewer clothes, you don’t need so much stuff do you?” 

“No.” she pants, and yanks the zipper, it finally zipping all the way shut. “I need to look good if I’m going to find some cute guy to make John Ambrose McClaren regret the day he ever dumped me.” 

“Oh, Lara Jean…” He has that sad dad look in his eye, like maybe he wanted to have another heart to heart about their breakup and she didn't want to endure another conversation about it. 

‘Don’t start, please.” she stands back up.

He sighs heavily and straightens up too.” Okay.” He leans over to pick up the suitcase and strains with the weight and groans out, “I’ll just take this to the car.”

She nods, “Thanks dad.”  
Blowing her hair off her sweaty forehead she pauses and takes a look around her room, it’s so empty and weirdly neat. It’s so different from its usual haphazard appearance of shoes and clothing strewn all over the place. John had always teased her about her inability to keep her room clean, he was so neat and organized, his room always neat as a pin whenever she hung out at his house. 

Kitty leans against the doorway, her arms crossed as she looks around the room. Her gaze is almost appraising. 

“I think my stuff will fit nicely in here.” 

She snaps out of her thoughts, “What?”

“I’m gonna move into your room.“

“Oh no, you're not.”

“You won’t even be here.”

“It’s still my room! And I'll be back for the holidays and summer, Kitty.”

“Yeah, but not for months at a time.”

Lara Jean narrows her eyes, “you didn't do this when Margo went away.”

Kitty shrugs, “Margot’s room is boring.”

“The answer is still no, Kitty.” 

“Well then, I’m gonna wear all the stuff you don’t bring with you.” She whirls around and stomps off in a huff. 

“That’s fine.” She calls out after her retreating back, half her closet already packed. 

****

The drive is three hours away from Portland, winding down the 5 through the trees and mountains that occupy so much of Oregon. After a brief stop for snacks, they finally turn down the long drive for the campus. PNWU is full of green spaces and historic buildings, one of the things that drew her to it in the first place. Besides the liberal arts department ranking in the top ten. 

Her dad pulls into the designated parking for first year students, the lot already full of other students and their parents, but not anyone she recognizes from Adler High just yet. She knows a couple of her classmates were heading here as well, but no one she was close friends with. 

“Kitty and I are going to unload while you get your keys and stuff, okay?” 

“I never agreed to that,”Kitty complains. 

“Uh, sure.” she doesn't know why she feels so nervous, walking away but she will have to do things by herself, that’s what this whole experience is about anyway. 

The line for the freshman dorms extends out the door, the RA’s are clearly trying to do their best and she falls in line and sees a few parents fussing at harassed looking 20 year olds, their kid clearly embarrassed, and trying to hide, then it’s finally her turn.

“Hi, Lara Jean Covey checking in.”

A friendly looking but clearly stressed older girl with a buzzcut and septum piercing glances down at her screen, scanning “Ah yes,” she clicks a mark next to her name, she looks back up and smiles, “I’m actually the RA for your floor, I’m Emily.”

“Hi, nice to meet you.”

She reaches over grabbing the stack of materials and hands it to Lara Jean with a key card. 

“Now, if your key card doesn't work right away give it a minute, and try it again, If it still doesnt work, just come back down and I’ll reprogram it for you. Rules are posted on that bulletin board,” she gestures to a huge board on the wall. “We’re trying to go paperless but this works for now. it’s mostly things like common spaces or quiet hours, overnight guests. Any questions?”

“Um, no?”

“Okay great.” she turns her attention to the student behind her and with that she’s summarily dismissed.

Hey you got 

“Yeah, I’m on the fourth floor, room 407” she glances at the information in her packet.

She walks down the hallway wheeling one of her suitcases, her Dad helping with all the other stuff, Kitty holding the lightest bag of the bunch.

They turn the corner and the line for the service elevator is just as long as the one for the front desk. 

“Maybe we should take the stairs?” she 

“You guys can, I’ll wait for the elevator, your dear old dad wont be able to drive back if I carry all of this up four flights.”

“Sorry.” 

Kitty sighs, clearly annoyed, “You could have just followed my advice and gone out of state, you only would have needed one suitcase.”

Lara Jean ignores her as they lug her stuff up to the third floor. 

“This is me,” She shifts her stuff to the side and waves the key card at the door, beeping it open. She uses her bag to push the door open and takes in the place where she will be living for nine months. 

“Wow.” Kitty laughs, “It’s very...utilitarian.” It’s the standard dorm room, beige cinder block walls and those extra long twins that can be made into bunk beds or raised to create loft space. At the end of the bed is a dresser and armoire on the other side facing the wall, a desk. The layout is basically mirrored on the other side. 

“Be quiet! It just needs some personality, is all.” she walks over to the window and looks out, at least it’s in the front so it has a nice view of campus. 

“Where’s your roomie?”

“Not sure.” They had exchanged some texts and emails over the summer just getting to know each other, and she definitely scoped out her socials. She knows that her roommate is an out of state student from Colorado, she has two older brothers, a dog named Milo and she snowboards. That’s mostly it. 

She hears dad calling from the hall, coming from the elevators. . 

“Over here.”she calls out the doorway. 

“You packed way too much stuff Lara Jean.” he brings the dolly in and drops the suitcase on the floor and then stacks her boxes on top.

“Sorry.” 

“It’s okay, you know, this is the first time I’ve actually dropped one of you guys off at school. Margot just got on a plane.” 

“Oh, Dad.” 

“Do you want us to help you unpack or we can go for lunch?”

“Lunch!” Kitty exclaims

“I don’t want to keep you guys, I know you’re on call tonight, and it’s a long drive back.”

He reaches over and ruffles Lara Jean’s hair as if she were still a kid and not his 18 year old daughter, “you’re not keeping us, kiddo.”

They find a diner within walking distance and grab burgers and fries to go, eating on one of the sprawling green lawns of the campus. After they finish Lara Jean walks with them back to the parking lot, the frenzy of moving day having died down a bit, some parents still lingering, fussing over their kid. 

“Do you need anything else?” Dad asks, stalling.

“I think I’ll be okay.” she replies tremulously, smiling a little.

“Alright, you have your debit card, I’ll deposit some money in there tonight,” he looks at her and says, “school things only.”

Rolling her eyes she retorts,“I know, dad.” 

“Come here,” he gets out gruffly and pulls her into a tight hug, she inhales deeply knowing this will be the last time in a couple of months she’ll smell his aftershave and laundry detergent. “Your mom would be so proud.” he whispers into her hair, stepping back and letting go. She blinks quickly against her tears. 

“Alright Kitty,” She says, her throat getting tight, Kitty who was usually so fearless and outspoken had been quiet all through lunch, picking at her fries and burger. 

“I’m gonna miss you.” she says quietly and flings her arms around Lara Jean in a tight hug. 

“I’m gonna miss you too, Kitty.” 

Letting her go, Kitty steps back and opens the passenger door. 

“Well, we better hit the road.”

“See you guys soon.” 

“See you soon LJ.” Dad calls out and they get in the car and drive away. 

***

She lets herself back into her room and sighs heavily. This is really the first time she’s been on her own, it’s exciting and scary in equal measure. Taking out her laptop she starts playing music while she unpacks, picking the right side of the room. She sets the photos of her and her sisters up on the dresser and starts to make the bed up. 

The door beeps again and opens, a tall, athletic blonde girl that she recognizes from insta walking in, she heaves her duffel bag onto the empty bed, 

“Hey! You must be Lara.” she smiles broadly, taking out her air pods. 

“Hi Britney, it’s actually Lara Jean.”

“Huh?” she strips off her sweatshirt and flops onto the unmade bed, taking out her phone. 

“Um, I go by Lara Jean, not Lara.”

“Cool.” Britney nods scrolling. 

“I claimed the right side, I hope that’s okay.”

“Sure, no worries at all.” she sighs and folds her sweatshirt into a makeshift pillow, “My flight was so delayed coming out here, I thought I wouldnt get here until tomorrow morning.”  
“Oh wow, you flew in?” 

“Yeah, coming from Denver is like a whole day’s drive.” she closes her eyes, “I’m gonna take a nap for a bit, I’ll be down for the get together thing.” 

Lara Jean quietly leaves, it's not like she thought she and her roommate would instantly be best friends, but there will be plenty or opportunity to meet people at the event tonight, other girls on her floor that she may have a lot in common with. This is the first time she has ever really been on her own, she always had her sisters. First there was Margot and Josh and double dates with John. And then when Margot left for college, she still had John, and Chris and a couple of other friends, but then John broke up with her, and their friends are scattered throughout Oregon or out of state and she feels truly on her own. 

She may as well get used to it and take the opportunity to walk around the campus and figure out the best route to the dining hall and library and how long it takes to get to class. 

There's also little eateries and convenience stores all over, Lara Jean sees a bubble tea shop just off campus on her google maps and sighs in relief. The main dining hall is only a ten minute walk away from her dorm which isn’t too bad, so she heads in to grab a coke and snack.

It’s so loud on the inside, cavernous and huge, dozens of conversations all happening at once. She hears a familiar sounding voice, there's a big group of guys at one of the tables, all of them attractive and obviously jocks. She rolls her eyes and starts to turn back to the vending machine but sees a familiar curly brown head amongst the jocks. Of all the people that she had hoped to see, last on her list was Peter Kavinsky. She honestly forgot that Peter is going to PNWU, a much lauded full ride on a lacrosse scholarship. Ugh, at least it’s a big enough campus that they will most likely never cross paths.


	3. Chapter 3

The elevators are still being used for moving, so Lara Jean takes the stairs up again. The other students have their doors open and are unpacking and talking loudly with each other. Someone is playing music loudly and singing along, she smiles a little to herself, excited about everything. 

At the end of her hallway is a common kitchen with an oven that looks like it’s from the nineties and some pretty basic cookware, but she makes a note to have her dad ship her some of her baking supplies. 

****

Britney is awake by the time she comes back, her stuff unpacked and in piles on her bed. She looks up and smiles when Lara Jean walks back in, “Hey, sorry about that, I was just super drained.”

“Oh, no problem.” Lara Jean smiles, “I wish I knew you would be awake, I ran to the dining hall and got a soda.”

“I bet they’ll have stuff at the thing tonight.” 

“Oh yeah that.” 

The dorm was hosting this getting to know each other gathering for the residents. It wasn’t mandatory but it was strongly implied that they should all come. 

“Are you gonna go?”

Britney shrugged, “Sure, just let me see how far I get with all the organizing.”

Lara Jean twists her mouth and looks at her pile of boxes and clothing, “I guess I should do that too.”

She 

“You’re from Portland right?”

“Yeah, born and raised.”

“What was that like,” Britney carries a pile of flooded clothes to her dresser, bending over to put things in the drawers, “there’s so many cool shows and bands and stuff?”

“Uh...great I guess? My best friend went to shows all the time and I went to a few but it really wasn’t our thing.”

“Our?” she straightens up and goes for more of her stuff.

‘My…”she pauses, “Well, my boyfriend at the time and I didn’t really go out that much.”

“Seriously?”

“Well yeah, we kind of hung out a lot and watched movies.” she knows as she’s saying it, it sounds lame but really all she wanted to do was hang out with John and read or talk and cuddle, they didn’t even have to talk all the time either. 

“Oh, okay.”

She can feel her judging her and wants to fix it somehow, ‘Not planning on doing that in college though, I’m single and ready to…” she grimaces and doesn’t finish.

Britney gives a sympathy chuckle, “Hey you know, do you, I just like going to shows and coffee shops and parties and stuff like that.”

“Oh yeah. I will too. Totally.”

She smiles at her but goes back to putting her things away, feeling awkward and uncool. 

****

The common room had a few folding tables set out with boxes of pizza, costco party trays and a cooler with drinks in it.

A couple of girls are sitting on the bean bags, pizza on paper plates and drinks by them on the floor. 

“Oh look lacroix, they really went all out,” 

Lara Jean huffs out a laugh and turns to see who made the remark.

A girl with long braids and clear glasses smirks at her. 

“Hey” she smiles pensively. 

“Hey, I’m Janae.” 

I’m Lara Jean,” she reaches into the ice filled cooler and holds out a can, “do you want a pamplemousse?”

“Sure.” she grins and reaches for the can. 

Turns out Janae lives down the hall from Britney and her in room 410. They don’t really have any overlapping classes but Janae is from Portland too, and went to Port Smith High School. 

She even knows a couple of the people that graduated with her from Adler. 

“I’m surprised I never saw you around.” Janae says and takes a bite of her slice of pizza. 

Lara Jean thinks about the conversation she had with Britney earlier and just nods and says, 

“Yeah, I know, it's so weird.”

*****

The first day of classes was more hectic than she would have thought. She had picked out what she thought was a perfect outfit, a button up plaid shirt, cute high waisted shorts with knee highs and her favorite vintage chunky heeled boots. Britney took a look at her outfit and smirked, but said nothing, she was wearing a pair of leggings and a hoodie. Lara Jean shrugged it off, walking out the door to her 9 am English Lit 101 class. Unfortunately, she did not account for how far apart her classes are, her second class a 20 minute walk from the first. There was no shame when she limped back to her room to swap them for a more sensible pair of sneakers. 

The last class of the day was the one she was most excited for, the one that she had to wait eagerly for someone to drop before she could sign up for it, and the only slot was in a 7 p.m. class, not her ideal time but she wanted to take the class so badly. 

The professor for Film Studies had a lot of good reviews on the “rate my professor site,” and it was the only 100 level class she taught. 

The lecture hall was rapidly filling up, despite the class running until 9. Some of the same guys that she noticed from the dining hall are coming in, and they’re being super loud and it crosses her mind for a second and then, sure enough, she sees Peter and drops down quickly hoping he doesn’t see her, but he scans the room and spots her. He breaks off from the group and starts heading in her direction.

Crap.

Up close he looks even better than she remembers from school, his wavy brown hair somehow a perfect combination of messy and styled, a grin on his face as he walks up to her. He’s a lot taller than she remembers too, towering over her briefly before dropping into the seat next to her.

“Hey, Covey,” he says and ugh, he even makes his college athlete uniform of tech fleece look good. “I thought I saw you in the dining hall yesterday.” 

“Peter, wait what are you doing here?” she blurts out, no hello or anything. 

He lifts an eyebrow, gesturing around, “I’m taking this class, just like everyone else here.”

That wasn’t the question she wanted to ask. What she really meant to ask was, why are you sitting next to me?

The class quiets when the professor walks in, “I’m Tamara Jenkins, your Film Studies professor. If you read your syllabus on blackboard you’d realize that just because this is a Film Studies class does not mean this is an easy course.” she paused for effect, observing the reaction through the class.

“We will not use the class time to watch movies if that’s what you think, that is done on your own time, class is for analysis and discussions. If this is not what you were expecting, I suggest you take advantage of PNWU’s generous add/drop period.”

With this speech a large group of students got up, and she smirks. Among the group was most of the guys that Peter walked into the class with. The noise of people leaving quiets down and she walks over to her TA, he hands her what looked like from this distance, a twenty dollar bill. 

Lara Jean side eyes Peter while he’s taking out his laptop. 

“What’s up?” he sets it on the small table that’s attached to the arm.

“Didn’t you want to leave with your friends?”

Peter scoffs, “No?”

“It’s not going to be an easy class, so why are you taking it?” 

“Maybe,” he looks askance at her, “I really like movies?”

“Okaaay. I doubt we’ll be watching Fight Club.”

“Wait, how did you know…”

She shrugs smugly, “A guess.”

Professor Jenkins continues speaking, “The rubric and list of movies for discussion is included in the syllabus, please double check all the information and title prior to renting, I don’t want to have to have to explain the difference between Hitchcock’s “Notorious” and the movie about Biggie Smalls again.” 

The class ripples with a few chuckles. 

“I do recommend that you may want to watch with another classmate to defray some of the rental costs, we will be watching at least 20 films.” she pauses, “Another alternative is, you can get a membership to the Criterion Channel, but not every title we will watch is on there because, racism.” 

This makes for a slightly more uncomfortable wave of chuckles.

“Oh yes, we will not shy away from discussions of race, gender, and representation here either.” 

Lara Jean has been slowly trying to keep from smiling, she’s so excited about the course. She loves stories in any form, and the chance to really dive in and give perspective and analysis makes her fingers itch to start typing.

“Do you want to be my partner for the class?” Peter asks her, “Since all my teammates have bailed.” 

She’s caught off guard which is probably why she answers, “Sure.”

****

They’re packing up, the class letting out a little ahead of schedule, as the movie discussion will be next class. 

“I didn’t see you at orientation,” Lara Jean mentions. 

“Yeah, I’ve already been on campus for a couple of weeks, starting conditioning for lacrosse.” 

She nodded like this is something she would have already known. Tucking a piece of hair behind her ear she looks up and asks, “So how do you want to watch the movie? We can do the student center or…”

“You can just come to my dorm.”

“Seriously?” 

Peter rolls his eyes, “We have a really big tv.”

She twists her mouth and thinks, sighing before saying, “Sure well, I can email you to arrange the time.”

“How about you just gimme your number and I'll text you?”

She pauses, skeptical for a moment. 

“Come on, Covey what am I gonna do with it?” he holds his phone out to her.

“Yeah, fine okay,” she takes his phone and taps out a quick text to herself.

“Thanks, see you later.” He smirks and walks off.

She frowns not knowing exactly how all of that just happened. 

***

Lara Jean calls Margot first thing in the morning, her first class on Tuesday not until noon. She would have last night but with the time difference it would have been like, 4 a.m. her time, and the last time she forgot about the time difference she had to listen to Margot yell at her for ten minutes. 

The facetime is kind of grainy when it comes through, but it’s Margot.

“Hey! How was your first day of classes?

“It was fine.”

“Just fine? I know you enrolled in some really cool ones that you were so excited about like the film one—”

“Do you remember Peter Kavinsky?” she cuts Margot off. 

“Your old crush Peter?

“Oh my god, Margot, that was forever ago.”

“Yeah,” she smirks, “I remember him.”

“He goes to PNWU.”

“That's not a surprise it's a really big school,”

“He's also in my film studies class.”

“Oh, ok.” 

“And we’re partners.”

“Mmhmm how did that end up happening?”

Lara Jean ignores that and continues, “he's like the only person from Adler that I know here so far.”

“That can't be true, it’s just a big school. Why don’t you search your student network for other classmates?”

Lara Jean shrugs, “I don't know it just hasn't gone anything like I thought it would.”

Margot sighs, “it's been one day.”

“I know,” she sighs, ‘it’s just I had it all in my head of how everything would go, I would meet new people and make friends and it would be fantastic you know? I feel like it’s all just not working out how I planned.” 

“You should sign up for clubs! I know they have a really good Asian American Student Association,” she leans back against her pillows, the facetime shifting and coming back into focus on her face, “you can't think that everyone in your dorm is going to be an instant friend. You have to really put yourself out there and like, meet people”

“I've never really been like that.”

“Well there's no time like now, Lara Jean.”


	4. Chapter 4

_(555-987-5647) Hey Covey, are you free tonight?_

She didn't even bother putting Peter's name in her contacts, thinking that he would never really text her. She sighs and adds him, typing out a reply. 

_Hey Peter...What’s up?_

_When can you watch the movie?_

_This feels a little short notice. Did you mean to watch it together?_

_Yeah, why not?_

_Is that really necessary?_

_Damn, why the hostility?_

_It's not hostility! I just don't see why we need to do it together, can’t I just use your login or something?_

_Ouch._

_I didn't mean it like that._

_Well, I have it rented and ready if you want to watch it._

_He did rent it. And he’s been nice enough so far, she can put in a little more effort, really._

_...I can do 7-ish?_

_The dots appear and disappear twice before his text comes through._

_I have class in Davenport until 7._

_Okay cool, I’ll be at the library until then, meet you outside at 7:15?_

_Sure._

_Kk._

*******

She’s been sitting outside the library for fifteen minutes, checking her phone and wondering if she should just get up and leave when Peter jogs up to her.

“Hey.” 

“You’re late.”

“Sorry,” he pulls out a small paper bag, “I got you a cookie.”

“Are you late because you got me a cookie or is the cookie because you’re late?”

Peter sighs and scrubs his face with his free hand, “I’m late because I had to give my professor the lacrosse travel schedule and arrange for make up dates.” he holds out the bag to her. “I saw the drama club having a bake sale and figured the cookie couldn’t hurt.” 

She takes it and looks at it critically, before taking a bite. The cookie is still warm and the chocolate is still soft and melty. “Thank you.” 

Peter’s dorm is about a ten minute walk from the library. It's in a newer building for student athletes almost exclusively. The facilities are clean and modern with a workout room on the ground floor. 

Lara Jean has to present her student ID to the security guard to sign in. The elevator they take to his floor is practically sparkling clean and actually works. She's keeping it to herself, taking in all the perks that student athletes at a D1 school got apparently. 

“So, what’s your roommate like, is he nice?” she asks, making conversation. 

“Roommates.” Peter corrects. 

“Huh? You have more than one roommate?”

“Covey...I’m in a suite.”

When Peter opens the door to his dorm, her jaw almost drops. 

They walk into a living room with a small kitchenette space. There’s a couch and across from it a decently large flatscreen with a switch and playstation out in front. On either side of the tv are two doors, leading to their huge bedrooms no doubt. 

“Are you kidding me!” She drops her backpack on the floor and walks around. 

“How many of you guys live here?”

She glances up, Peter looking at her sheepishly. 

“I share with three other guys from the team.”

Lara Jean crosses her arms and glares at Peter.

“What?”

“Do you know that all we have are two bathrooms on the floor that are shared with like, 10 girls?” 

Peter shrugs, “Sorry.”

She sighs and plops down on the sofa. “Let's just start the movie.” 

“Okay,” he sits down on the floor leaning against the couch, pulling up the rental for Rashomon. 

The soundtrack starts and opens with a black and white shot of a rain soaked landscape with traditional Japanese buildings. 

“I didn’t know it was subtitled, I thought it was dubbed.” Peter whispers. 

“Shh.” 

***

They’re both engrossed in the film, Peter moves to the couch to sprawl comfortably while watching it, his arm stretched along the back of the couch, almost but not quite brushing against her shoulder. She’s still with indecision to move away and play it off like her reaching for her phone or something or ignoring it, but he nudges her shoulder with his fingertips, startling her. 

“Hey, you want something?”

“What?” 

“Snacks? Do you want some snacks or something?”

“Oh, yeah sure that’d be great.” she reaches over to pause the movie. He rustles around in the kitchenette for a bit and comes back with two cans of soda and a bag of chips. 

“Thank you.” she reaches over to grab a handful, relaxing a little and curling her legs under herself and leaning against the side. 

“No problem,” he smiles at her, reaching back over to start the movie back up. 

“That was a lot better than I thought it would be.” he murmurs when it's over.

“Yeah it was really good, not my usual choice but I think that's what the class is for you know?”

“Well, what do you usually like?

“Don’t laugh.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

“I like...romantic comedies, John Hughes movies.”

Peter tilts his head like he doesn't know what she's talking about.

“Sixteen candles? Ferris Bueller? Come on these are like, classic eighties movies.”

He shrugs, like he’s whatever about the whole thing, and changes the subject, “So how were we supposed to analyze it?”

Lara Jean pulls out the rubric from her back pack and flips to the list of movies and the directives, “This film was innovative for its use of alternative points of view, among the first of its kind. Take a perspective and objectively discuss why this is the true version of events. 1000 words.”

“Okay, seems doable enough.” he nods. 

“Thanks for renting it, I’ll do it next time.” She stands and shrugs her backpack on, getting ready to head out.

Peter stands with her, “Hang on, I’ll walk back with you.”

“You don’t have to…” Peter raises his eyebrows and tilts his head towards the window, where it’s clearly dark outside. 

She purses her lips, “Alright.”

****

When they get outside she has to admit to herself that Peter was right, it was dark and even though there’s lights, it's still a longish walk to her dorm.

“So what point of view were you thinking of taking?”

“Oh, I guess the commoner’s?”

“Is that the version you think is true?”

‘Well it doesn’t matter if it’s right, just that I make a case for it.”

“Good point, I was thinking of samurai?”

She nods, “It’d be really interesting for you to argue that, considering he was dead for the whole movie.”

“That’s what I’m thinking.” Peter grins. They’re walking up to her dorm, slowing along the path.

“Hey, thanks for walking with me.” She leans over and bumps his arm, her shoulder only reaching his bicep.

“No problem, Covey.”

“Well, this is me, I’ll see you next class?” 

Peter stops outside the entrance, dragging his hand through his hair in an uncharacteristic nervous gesture, “There's this party at Delta Psi tomorrow.”

She pauses her hand on the door handle, “Okay.” she’s not sure where this is going exactly. 

“You want to go?”

“Oh, maybe?”

“Well, if you decide to come, text me okay?”

“Sure,” she says, already thinking of the reason she’ll make up later, “good night Peter. 

“Night Lara Jean.” 

She pauses a moment after going in, glancing at Peter’s retreating back, before shaking her shoulders and walking up the stairs. Janae’s door is open when she walks past it, briefly waving.

“Hey Lara Jean,” Janae calls out after her when she walks by. 

“Hey Janae.”

“Are you hungry? I postmated too much food.”

“Sure, that’s nice of you.” 

“Nope, entirely selfish, we only have one of those dorm fridges and we need the room for oatmilk.”

She pauses at the threshold, “Shoes on or off?”

“Off, you wouldn't believe how many people just walk in with their shoes on.” Janae makes a face and hops on her bed, “thanks for asking.” 

Toeing off her boots she lines them up by the door, and settles next to her on the bed. 

“Cute boots.” Janae says, gesturing with her chopsticks towards them. 

“Thanks they're vintage.” she says and reaches for the carton of low mein. 

“You're not coming back from class this late are you?”

“No...I was watching a movie for this film studies class I’m in.”

“The one with Professor Jenkins? Ah, you lucky bitch I wanted to take that but it filled up so fast.”

“Well, a bunch of people dropped the class if you still want to take it.”

“Really? Hmm.” she gets quiet and taps a chopstick against her lip, appearing to mentally rearrange her schedule. 

“She's tough but it's a really good class,” Lara Jean nods, “most of the people that dropped were athletes expecting an easy A, I think.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Anyway we were watching Rashomon and Peter for the class and he walked me back.”

“Okay 1, love Rashomon and 2, who’s Peter?” she grins slowly, as if expecting some dirt. 

“Um…” she stuffs some orange chicken in her mouth to pause before answering, “Peter’s in my class but I know him from way back.”

“So you went to Adler together?” she roots around in her carton for a piece of broccoli. 

“Yeah, he got recruited here to lacrosse.”

“The only Peter I know from Adler is Peter Kavinsky.” 

“Yeah, that’s him. You know him?”

Janae’s eyebrows shoot up. “I don’t know him really, but I think a lot of girls from my class do.”

“Wait, what?” 

“You never heard the rumors about him?”

“I mean I knew Gen and him broke up pretty brutally junior year and then he kind of dated around a bit…”

“Wow, no shade but you really didn’t get out much huh?”

“Hey.”

“I’m just saying.”

“Okay, yes, I didn’t go out that much. I had a serious boyfriend at the time and we mostly hung out at each other’s homes.”

Janae tilts her head and looks at her, “Okay so they’re just rumors but apparently after they broke up he hooked up with a lot of girls.”

“Okay?”

“Like a lot.”

“I don’t believe rumors, Janae.”

“I’m sure he’s really great, that’s what everyone says, just that he you know,” she shrugs, “gets around.”

Lara Jean frowns, stabbing at the chicken in thought. 

*****

The posting said the meeting was Friday at five, and luckily she got out of all her classes early that day, but she’s still standing outside the room biting her lip and debating. 

“Hey are you going to the AASA meeting?” A cute asian guy with dimples and wearing a camel coat gestures towards the entrance.

“Yeah...just…kind of working up the nerve.”

“Come on, we don’t bite.” he smirks.

“Okay.”

“I’m Kevin.”

“Hi.” she walks in behind him and tries to slink to a seat in the back. 

“You’ll actually have to sign in.” he gestures towards a folding table, "Just for the first couple of meetings until we have a headcount, you can sit in on a couple of meetings before you officially join if you want, we have dues.”

“Are you president or something?” Lara Jean laughs, signing her name.

“Vice actually.”

“Oh.” if she could disappear into the floor she would. 

He tilts his head towards the sign in sheet, “Nice meeting you, Lara Jean.”

He pronounces it correctly, and she smiles a little before taking a seat in the back and paying attention to the meeting.


	5. Chapter 5

The first full week of classes passes and by the end Lara Jean is exhausted, not expecting the actual work of college to be so much so soon. She would blow off steam by watching a movie or hanging out with friends or John...but since none of those options are really available to her right now she’s thinking about going to the party that Peter told her about. And she’s not really had a chance to get to hang out with Britney, so may as well try to do two things at once right?

She sits up from her bed where she had flopped down, and asks. “Hey, are you free tonight?”

Britney takes out an airpod, “Sure, I can ignore my statistics homework for another night, what's up?”

“Do you want to come with me to a party?”

“Party?” Britney grins slowly, “What party?”

“A friend invited me to this Delta Psi thing…”

“You want to go to the Delta Psi party?”

“Yeah, why?”

"I don't know it doesn't really seem like your scene?"

"It's not but I'm trying new things." 

“Alright, sure.” she stood and stretched, "new things it is."

Lara Jean decided she wanted to look cute, but not so cute that it looked like she was getting dressed up.

She wears a pair of dark skinny jeans with a t-shirt and a cute yellow cardigan.

“That's what you're wearing?”

“Yeah, what's wrong with it?”

“It's cute.”

“Okay, that's the point.”

“Isn't this a frat party? Aren’t you supposed to wear like, crop tops and a skirt or something?”

“Only if I want to get hit on, and besides what about you?”

Britney is wearing a pair of tight black skinny jeans with Vans and a brightly colored short sleeve button up, her blonde hair loose and long.

She looks down at her outfit, “This is practically hookup bait in my culture.”

“Culture?”

Britney cracks up, “Lara Jean, I’m gay.”

“OH.” she instantly turns red, “sorry.”

“No big,” she laughs, “I just assumed you figured it out.” She opens the door and Lara Jean walks out with her.

The night is a little cooler than she thought which does make her glad for the cardigan, even if it is cute and Chris called her Grandma Lara Jean when she wore it just because it has embroidered daisies on it.

“Hey, so is there a game plan?” Britney asks they're still a couple of minutes from greek row but they can hear the music and noise already.

“Game plan?”

“Come on, like, if either of us want to go home with someone are you going to uber? Sre we only doing drinks out of cans or bottles? Are you drinking at all? Stuff like that.”

Lara Jean frowns and admits. “I didn’t even think of that.”

Britney stops right in the middle of the sidewalk, and tilts her head, “Is this your first party since grade school or something?”

She’s joking but it hits a nerve and Lara Jean can’t help but blurt out, “Okay fine! I didn't really party that much in high school and like,” she sighs really loudly before deflating and admitting, “I don't know, I just wanted to see if it was fun.”

“Whoa, whoa okay sorry, it's just normally there's a plan. Sorry I didn't like, bring it up, I just assumed.” she reaches for her and puts a hand on her arm, “look if you want to ditch the party lemme know or If you want to hook up with someone i'll call an uber to get back.”

Looking down at her feet she mutters “I don't want to hook up with anyone,” she glances back up at Britney, “but thank you.”

“Well, I might.”

Lara Jean laughs, “Sure. I can do that.”

“Alright, cool.”

***

They pause right outside a crush of people on the lawn. All of greek row seems to be throwing a party, but the crowd outside of Delta Psi is especially large.

“Dude, are you sure?” Britney asks.

She stares apprehensively, “If it sucks we can bail as soon as possible.”

“Okay.” She replies skeptically. There's a guy at the front checking people otherwise it looked like there was a cover charge and a wait.

“Come on.”

“What, go to the line?”

“You said you were invited right?”

When they get to the front the guy glances at them dismissively and says in a bored tone, “Name?”

“Seriously?” Britney scoffs.

Chad or Brad or Dylan rolls his eyes, ready to wave them off.

“Um, check for Lara Jean?” she says and he glances down at his sheet at her than back at the sheet.

“Yeah, you're here.”

“That's what I thought.” Britney shouted at him as they were allowed into the dark sweaty crush of the party.

It was nothing like how she thought parties would be from her movie watching experience, or even from Chris’s gossip. She reminds herself that this is college and most likely a lot of people are over drinking age and weed is legal but jeez, maybe she should have eased in with something a lot less...frat.

“I just want to say hi to someone and then we can bail.”

She texts Peter, glancing around in the dim light.

Her phone lights up almost immediately, “He’s out back.”

‘Thought you didn't want to hook up?” Britney smirked when they walked towards the back doors.

“It’s not like that.”

Peter is leaning against the railing on the porch, smiling and waving them over.

“That's him.”

“Hey Covey, glad you could make it.” Peter leans over to hug her, catching her off guard, her arms halfway raised to hug him back when he releases her.

“Britney this is Peter, Peter, Britney my roommate.”

Peter nods, “Nice to meet you.”

“You guys know each other from class right?” Britney asks glancing between the two of them, bemused.

“We grew up together,” Peter replies.

“We went to high school together,” Lara Jean says at the same time.

Peter chuckles, “That’s true too.” he’s grinning and looks relaxed and easy underneath the porch lights. He takes a sip of his beer and shakes it, the bottle empty.

“I’m going to grab another drink, do you want anything?” He points at Lara Jean, “A coke, right?”

“Yeah, how’d you know?”

“Never saw you at parties, figured you didn't drink that much, and for you Britney?”

“Beer is fine, can or bottle not keg.”

“Got it.”

“He’s considerate,” Britney says after he walks off.

“Yeah, he always has been.”

She turns to Lara Jean and leans against the railing, “So what is your story with him? And why does he call you by your last name?”

“Nothing that special, we’ve known each other for years and years, grew up together. The last name thing, I don’t know I think he’s always done it.”

Peter walks back, drinks in his hand, quicker than they thought.

“One soda,” he hands her a frosty can icy from the cooler, “and a beer,” he hands Britney a can of bud light.

“Are you a pledge?” Britney asks, cracking open her can and taking a sip.

“Nah, just a couple of guys on the team are brothers and invited us.”

“DO they want you to pledge?”

Peter shrugged, “Seems like a lot of time commitment with classes and lacrosse and everything.”

“So if you’re not pledging and just cool with a couple of bros, how did she” she points at Lara Jean with her beer can, “end up on the VIP list?”

“I didn’t even think about it being rush week.” Lara Jean interrupts, “It feels like half the school is out.”

Peter grins at her, Britney glances between the two of them again, she’s been doing it a lot and then smirks and says, “you know, I think I saw a couple of girls that I know, I'm gonna go say hey.” Britney smirks, ignoring Lara Jean’s pleading eyes before walking off.

“Sooo…” she says and trails off, there's an awkward beat where they both take a sip from their drinks.

“How’s Mcclaren?”

Lara Jean glares at Peter.

“What?”

“We broke up.”

He pulls a face, embarrassed, “Ah shit, Covey, I'm sorry to hear that. You guys seemed like you were gonna be the couple that makes it.”

“Yeah, well he didn't seem to think so.”

“I’m sorry.” Peter’s mouth twists up, “breakups are hard.”

“We don’t have to talk about it.” she blurts out, trying to stave off any talking about her still broken heart.

“Yeah.” he takes a sip of his beer, the vibe still a little awkward.

“How’s your mom?” Lara Jean asks, at a loss for much more to say.

Peter cracks a grin, “Really?”

“I don’t know! It’s been forever, okay?”

Chuckling he answers, “She’s good, the store is doing pretty good. The scholarship helps a lot.”

“Well, that’s really...good.” at loss for another word.

“My dad’s not really helping that much.” his grin turns bitter with the last part.

His dad left Peter and his brother, and mom two summers before junior year. It overlapped when she started seeing John Ambrose and Gen and he started dating.

“You must be really good at lacrosse to get a scholarship.”

“Have you ever seen me play?” Peter smirks, taking a sip of his beer. “You never went to an Adler game?”

Lara Jean thinks for a minute, “I don't think so. We,” she frowns and corrects herself, “John wasn’t super into the games.”

Peter nods, “you should come to one sometime.”

“Yeah?”

“Sure.”

“You want me to be a part of your fan club?”

“Yeah. You’d look good in the school colors.

Lara Jean rolls her eyes but she's smiling.

“Hey do you,” Peter starts out but a cute redhead walks up to them grabbing Peter’s arm to get his attention.

“Hey Peter.”

“Oh hey, Kaitlyn.”

“You were looking good at practice the other day, looking forward to watching you play soon.”

Peter shakes his head, “The season doesn’t even officially start until spring.”

“Still, I’m looking forward to it.”

“Hi.” Lara Jean says kind of pointedly.

“Kaitlyn, this is Covey, Covey, Kaitlyn.”

“It’s Lara Jean actually.”

“Oh yeah that’s right,” Peter smiles slowly, “i’m the only one that calls you that.”

It kind of makes her feel funny, like it’s a secret or something between just the two of them. John only ever called her Lara Jean, maybe sometimes LJ but a lot of people did, with Peter it was always Covey.

“Hello,” Kaitlyn nods, she’s polite enough but her eyes kind of pause on her and then dismiss her as not a challenge. While it’s true, it's still annoying.

“I’m gonna find Britney.”

“Alright.” Peter says kind of distractedly, “I’ll find you in a bit.”

Kaitlyn turns to look at her as she walks away, her gaze a little bit more assessing.

She sees a couple of people she recognizes from class and another former Adler student and stops long enough to say hi and make small talk.

The party has gotten a lot bigger and louder in the last half hour and she can feel herself hitting her limit. Her friend Stormy always told her, never be the last person to leave a party. It’s advice she’s taking to heart right now especially when she hears a crash in the other room. Someone fell out of their keg stand and hit the snacks table on the way down.

_Hey, Britney, I think I’m gonna head back._

_Oh yeah? Are you cool to grab an uber? I met someone cute._

Lara Jean sighs and replies,

_Sure! Probably won’t see you back at the dorm?_

_Hopefully not._

She walks a little ways away pulling up the app for a car, the surge rate be damned. She wants nothing more than to get back to her bed, fix a cup of night-night tea and read a romance novel.

***

“Hey,” Peter says and plops down next to her.

“Hey.” Lara Jean glances up and then back down at her screen, reading over the requirements for the next assignment.

“Glad you showed up at the party.”

“Oh yeah sure.”

“You kind of disappeared, did you have a good time?”

Lara Jean side eyes him, “you were hanging with Kaitlyn I didn’t want to ruin your game.”

“Nah, she’s a friend” he waves it off but continues, “I wanted to hang, catch up some more.”

“Oh. Well, I'm not sure a party’s the best place for all that.”

“Fair.” Peter grins, “Did you get back alright? Britney walk with you?”

“I took an uber.”

Peter looks upset all of a sudden.

She’s about to ask him what's wrong when the TA walks in and starts the discussion for their next movie.

When they’re let out Peter is waiting for her, and he falls into step when she starts walking.

“Hey, can I ask you a favor?”

“Yeah, what’s up?”

“Just like, if you wanted to leave you could have texted me and I would have walked with you if Britney was staying.”

Lara Jean’s taken aback, “What, why?”

“Covey. I want to make sure you’re safe okay. Please text me next time?”

“Oh,” she stops and looks up at him, his face earnest with concern. “I will.”


	6. Chapter 6

“Hey, Lara Jean there you are!” 

“Hey, dad!” she never thought she would be so happy to see her dad’s face way too close to his mac camera but she is. 

“How was your first week, college girl?”

“It was good.” she says, “Lots of information to take in and I’m busier than I thought I would be.”

“Kitty come say hi!” her dad calls out. 

“Hey Lara Jean,” Kitty sing-songs, popping into frame behind him, “Did you know, Trina moved in?”

“What?”

“Kitty.” Dad sighs, “I was going to tell her.”

“Sorry.” Kitty says sheepishly.

“Well that’s great news!” Lara Jean says, “I’m happy for you guys.”

She is happy for them, her dad deserves some happiness and Kitty really really likes Trina. And with all of them growing up and only Kitty left at home, it was good to think that they both had someone who would be there for them.

“How are classes?”

“They’re good. I really like this Film Analysis class I’m taking.”

Her dad looks, “Is that where you just watch movies? You’re not avoiding other classes are you?”

“No dad! It’s so much more than that. We watch really good movies and then have to write papers on the social and historical implications, and the Professor is so great, she chooses movies by women of color and other...”

“Okay, okay, well I’ll take your word for it.”

“Can you send me my baking supplies?”

“Really Lara Jean?” Kitty yells from off camera.

“No one asked you Kitty!”

“Do you really need them?” he asked skeptically.

“Please dad? Please?”

“Okay, but I don’t know what you’re gonna need them for.”

****

In her English lit class they’re reading The Bluest Eye and she has to read several chapters to be at the discussion point for next class, but she and Peter still have to watch their movie for class.

_Hey Peter, can we watch the next movie at 8ish? I have some reading I should work on._

_Yeah sure Covey, just text me when you're outside yeah?_

_Kk_

She’s able to make it over to his dorm at 8:10 which is not great but at least she only has 60 pages to read and not 120. 

“Hey Peter.” She greets him when he opens the door, but there’s another guy in the dorm when she comes in, and she’s surprised. He’s mentioned his roommates but she never really thought of them except maybe in an abstract sense. 

“Hey, Covey. This is Sunil, one of my roommates.”

“Hi, I’m Lara Jean.” 

“Hey.” Sunil was a tall, very attractive guy, and another lacrosse player, “what are you guys watching?”

Peter answered, “Bridge on the River Kwai, man.”

“Oh, is that from the class I dropped?”

“Yeah it’s a great class.” Lara Jean pipes up. 

“Well if I had known you were in it I would have stayed.” Sunil grins at her, his cheek dimpling.

“Okay, Okay weren’t you heading out?” Peter says.

“Yeah I know, I said I would.” 

“Nice meeting you Lara Jean, lemme know when one of the movies is Pulp Fiction and I may stay.” he waves to the two of them and leaves. 

Lara Jean smirks, “good thing he dropped it, Professor Jenkins hates Tarantino.  
“With a vengeance” Peter laughs. The other week they had to witness a poor guy getting his ass handed to him when he asked why there was no Tarantino or Paul Thomas Anderson on the list. 

She plops down onto the sofa, Peter wandering into the kitchen, coming back out to sit next to her with two cans of Lacroix and a bag of chips. 

“Alright let’s get this over with.” she nudges him, “start it up.”

****

“That movie was so long.” Peter said, the credits were finally rolling “amazing, but so long.”

“I know, we should have watched it in parts, at least in the old days they had intermissions for movies like this.” She stands and stretches, her legs tingly from being curled under her so long. 

She glances at her phone, it's later than she thought it was, “Crap, I should go.” 

He stands and pulls his hoodie on, getting ready to go with her. 

Lara Jean shrugs on her coat, “I'm actually kind of hungry, do you want to get something to eat?” 

“Yeah, I could eat.” 

They end up at the diner she went to with her dad and Kitty on move in day. It’s not super busy, so they grab a booth in the back farther away from the groups of students needing to sober up.

“Can I get you guys anything?”

“I’d like a grilled cheese and cherry coke please.” 

“And for you?”

“Can I have a chocolate milkshake and a large order of fries?”

The waitress walks off with their orders, and there's a lull and Lara Jean doesn't know what to fill it with. 

“Owen’s starting High School this year right? I remember he’s the same age as Kitty.” she fiddles with a paper napkin pleating it over in her hands. 

“Yeah,” He smiles when he talks about his brother, “the kid is so damn smart you know? He’s already in AP classes.”

“Ha, yeah, I feel that way about Kitty, she’s so outspoken and fearless, you know she almost got in trouble for correcting her teacher?”

“Not surprising,” Peter smirks.

Lara Jean smiles at the memory, “My Dad just said, good job Kitty and took her out for ice cream.” 

Her smile slips off her face when Peter’s cell vibrates with a text alert and he checks it, “Sorry about that.” he taps it to silence it and puts it back face down.

She doesn’t say anything, leaning back in her chair, tilting her head to analyze him. How do you reconnect with someone that you’ve known forever but it feels like you hardly know them anymore?

“I used to go to a diner like this all the time with John Ambrose.” she offers.

“Corner cafe?”

“Yeah, you know it?”

“The team would sometimes go there after games.”

“It’s funny that we never ran into each other.”

The waitress comes back with their orders and sets them down, “Can I get you guys anything else?” 

“I think we’re okay, thank you.” Peter replies.

Lara Jean reaches over for some of Peter’s fries, squeezing ketchup on her plate. He raises an eyebrow and smirks but says nothing. 

“What exactly happened with you and McClaren?”

She freezes in the middle of dipping a fry and snorts, “What happened with you and Gen?”

Peter holds his hands up, warding off any further attack, “Okay, point taken.”

Sighing she replies, “We were going to different colleges and he didn't want to do long distance.” 

He winces but doesn't say anything, taking a long sip of his milkshake. 

“What?”

“That’s really shitty.”

Lara Jean shrugs, not really wanting to talk about it much, “What broke you and Gen up?”

Peter scrubs at his face, “I wish it was just one thing, but we were over a while before we actually broke up. I think we were together out of habit, you know?” 

She nods, “I can see that.”

“Haven’t really dated anyone since.”

“That’s not what I heard?” Lara Jean says teasing but also really curious. 

“What have you heard?” Peter lifts an eyebrow.

“Well, just that you were pretty...active after your break up.”

“Ah, that” he grimaces, “Don’t believe everything you hear, besides, I was with Gen since the eighth grade. I was kind of over relationships at that point.” he shrugs. “What about you?”

“What do you mean, what about me?” 

“Have you dated since you and McClaren broke up?”

“Ugh no, not planning on doing that at all.”

“Like not at all?” Peter seems vaguely disappointed for some reason.

“I just don’t think I’m interested in dating or boyfriends.” she takes a deep breath and admits, “I’m not over John.”

He’s quiet before he takes a sip of his milkshake. “It took a while to get over Gen, but it gets better, really.” 

She shrugs again, feeling her throat getting thick, “Do you still keep in touch with her?”

Peter huffs a laugh, “Yeah, we still text and stuff, occasionally. She knows me better than anyone else, that’s hard to let go of.”

She frowns, she hasn't heard from John in weeks, not since he wished her good luck at PNWU and before he went off to Reed. 

****

When Lara Jean comes back from the rest room Peter is already signing the receipt.

“How much do I owe you? I got cash or venmo…”

“I got it Covey.”

“No, seriously.”

“Seriously, it was less than 10 bucks.”

“Well, I got next time.”

“Next time, huh?” Peter asks, a grin on his face. 

She smiles back and nods, she takes her phone out to text Britney that she was on her way back to the dorm, taking Peter’s request about her safely seriously. 

“Covey, I've been meaning to ask you…” he drums his fingers on the table, as if he’s nervous. 

“Yeah?” she says distractedly.

“Why weren't we friends?”

Lara Jean looks up, incredulous, “In high school?”

“Well,” he huffs, “yeah.” 

“You're kidding right?” 

“No?” Now Peter seems confused, “We were friends in middle school and then...suddenly...we weren't.”

Lara Jean laughs but it’s without humor. 

“Gen hated me.” 

“She did? You guys were best friends.”

“Well, the keyword is ‘were’,” Lara Jean shrugs, “Look, can we not talk about this now?” she stands from the table and brushes off her jeans, “I have to read 60 more pages tonight.”

Peter frowns, “Okay.” he stands with her and opens the door for her when they leave, immediately falling in step beside her.

He brings it up again as they’re walking back, his hands curled up in the pocket of his hoodie, “Look I’m going to respect your boundaries, but are you sure that was it? Because it couldn't—”

She blurts out, “She saw you kiss me.”

“What?” Peter stops walking, “In eighth grade?” 

“Yeah, she told me when I confronted her about spreading that rumor about John and me.” She starts walking faster, and he jogs to catch up with her, which considering how tall he is, doesn’t take long. 

“Wait, what rumor?” 

“That John and I had sex in the hot tub on the ski trip junior year,” She rolls her eyes again, “For someone you were with for years you didn’t know what kind of person she was to other people, do you?” 

Peter frowns, “She’s not the bitch you paint her to be.”

“Maybe she just never was a bitch to you.”

“You know she was going through a lot that year.”

Lara Jean stops outside her dorm building, whirling around, “That’s not an excuse!” she’s angry, like really mad, “You don't just go and take it out on other people, you know. I had a really hard time too and I didn’t become a terrible person.” 

Peter grimaces, “Sorry.” he sighs, “I knew she could be mean to other people but I guess I didn’t want to think about it too much...”

“It’s okay.” it wasn’t okay, but it wasn’t Peter’s fault. She exhales, all the anger leaving her, and looks up at him, “I don’t think that's the only thing that caused it, but it played a big part, and then we just weren't friends.” she shrugs, “and then by extension I wasn't friends with you anymore.”

“But we are now?” He asks, hopeful.

“Yeah.” She smiles a little, “We are.”


	7. Chapter 7

She's finally gotten into the swing of college, classes are manageable, she’s figured out the best route to her classes and where the best boba is, things are pretty good. 

At one of the smaller dining halls they have a pretty decent burrito station that makes a bowl that is almost as good as chipotle.

Janae knocks on her door when Britney and she are studying, “You guys want to go for a burrito bowl? I want their black bean and tofu.”

“Yeah, that sounds perfect actually.” Lara Jean replies

“Sure I'm starving.”

***

“So the Queer Student Association at PNWU is really great. I think there's a lot of intersectionality of identities you know?” Britney says enthusiastically. 

“I’m kind of jealous, the BSU is so small, there’s only like 20 members at the meeting, but this is a predominantly white college in a predominantly white state sooo...I don’t know what I expected. Lara Jean, Is the Asian-American association any better?”

“Huh? Lara Jean glances up from her phone, she’d been half listening to the conversation.

“Hello, this is like the second time I've had to get your attention.”

“Sorry.” she says sheepishly.

“Okay, what is up Lara Jean you've been checking your phone this whole time, '' Janae said with exasperation.

“Peter keeps sending me stupid memes. I'll put it on, do not disturb.”

“Peter, I just want to see him at the party. Peter? Peter, he’s a friend I know from school Peter?” Britney smirks. 

“Oh, that Peter” Janae’s eyebrows are raised, the implied meaning clear. 

“Lemme see,” Britney grabs for her phone and she tries to lean away but she gets it. 

Sure enough, she scrolls through their messages and it's meme after tik tok that they've been sending each other back and forth. And in between are actual messages to meet up for class.

“Okay, this is sickeningly cute.”

“See, that's not even how it is,” she says snatching her phone back, “Peter's just a friend.” 

“Janae, does this feel like ‘just a friend’ behavior to you?”

“I don't know, memes are a love language. Watch this so I know it's real.” she cracks up.

‘Ugh, you guys are the worst.” 

“But seriously, can you like, pay attention to us?”

“Sorry.” She takes her phone and puts it in her bag, she remembers how in high school its like John and Chris were her only friends. She had her sisters so she didn't really feel the absence, but she doesn't have them now, and putting in effort to friendships is something she can work on. 

“Okay. forgiven.” Janae says and reaches over, “But imma need some of your guac.”

*****

She’s getting ready to leave the AASA, (40 members in attendance tonight, but she's sure the numbers are closer to the hundreds, meetings aren’t mandatory. She made sure to count for Janae.)

“Hey, Lara Jean right?” Kevin jogs over to her, his hair flopping onto his forehead as he does. 

“Yeah, thats me.”

“What are you doing tomorrow night?”

“Oh, I’m watching a movie with a friend for class.”

“Really?” he raises his eyebrow, “I wanted to ask you out.”

“Ask me out, like on a date?”

“There's this really good Kbbq spot that just opened up and I wanted to try it out,” he grins.

“Oh.” she smiles slowly, why not right? “okay.”

“Alright.” he grins, “give me your number and I’ll text you.”

**** 

“Are you ready to watch a totally pretentious foreign film and write a paper about how much the director hated his mom?” Peter jokes.

Lara Jean halts as they’re walking outside and he turns in surprise, “What’s up?”

“I meant to tell you, I can’t meet you for our usual movie,” 

“Oh yeah? What’s going on?”

“I have a date.” she bites her lip in nervousness. 

“You have a date…” Peter trails off and she can't read the expression on his face. 

“It’s not a date-date, more like a group thing but Kevin asked me to go with him so, I guess I’m going?”

“Kevin?”

Lara Jean screwed her face up, debating whether to tell him, she doesn’t know why she feels weird about telling him, they’re just good friends that’s all. And so what if she had a crush on him in middle school? Or that that crush is kind of flaring back up? So what, if he is so much funnier and kinder and considerate than she thought he was?

“Kevin Choi. He’s the VP of the asian american student association.” 

“Doesn’t that make him older?” Peter asks his eyebrows up to his forehead.

“He’s like 21. It's not that much older.” 

“Okay” Peter scratches his head, “I thought you weren’t into dating right now?”

“I meeeaaannnn” she stretches it out stalling for time, “I'm not. but...”

“But?” he prompts.

She sighs, “Margot said I should just rip the band aid off.”

“That only makes sense if you’re going to start dating again.” 

“I guess, I just wanted to try and see? I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

“Alright,” he steps back from her, “have fun.” But it seems like he doesn't mean it, “text me when you’re free,” he calls over his shoulder.

****

Kevin lives off campus so he comes to pick her up outside her dorm, driving a sleek black import car. 

He even gets out to open the door for her, and she slides in on the leather seats. 

“So, where are you from Lara Jean.”

“Well, I grew up right outside of Portland.”

“Cool me too, I went to the Waldorf school. Where did you go?” Waldorf was the really, really expensive private school.

“Oh, Adler?”

“I’ve heard of it, that’s in Belleview right?”

“Yeah.”

“That's a nice neighborhood.”

“Yeah, I guess?” that’s kind of a weird thing to say but she lets it go because she’s excited about the restaurant, its been a while since shes had korean food. 

Kevin pulls the chair out for her at the table and goes around to the other side sitting across from her. 

“So how familiar are you with KBBQ?” 

“We never did it at home, but I’m pretty familiar there's some really good Korean places in Portland.”

“I don’t know, I find a lot of them really Americanized, you gotta find the really authentic places.”

“Okay? They’re all owned by Korean families I don't know how that makes them—” 

He isn’t paying that much attention and cuts her off, “Do you want to do the all you can eat?”

“Sure, sounds good.”

The serve comes by and he orders in flawless Korean, or at least to her it sounds flawless, she wouldn’t really know. 

She turns and speaks in Korean to her and she shakes her head, smiling apologetically, “Sorry, I don't speak Korean that well.”

Kevin raises his eyebrows, “She’s asking what you would like to drink.”

“Oh, a coke please.”

“You know PNWU has some really good Korean classes if you want to learn? You really should, it's so important to know your culture.” 

Lara Jean starts to feel annoyed, “Yeah, I know some but not conversationally, my mom died when I was young so there wasn’t really anyone other than my Oma to teach us.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.” he looks embarrassed. 

“It’s fine.” She shrugs it off, determined that her first date since breaking up with John went well. 

The waitress comes back and lays out all the banchan and lettuce for ssam, the meat out onto the grill.

****

“So your dads a doctor?”

“Yeah, he's an OBGYN in Portland.” 

“You know I’m pre-med?”

She barely stifles the urge to roll her eyes. 

“I know we've only just started hanging out…”

“Uh huh….” did he want to meet her dad already or something?

“Do you think he'd write me a med school recommendation?”

****

Lara Jean stomps into her room and flings down her purse and jacket. 

“So dramatic,” Britney comments, “how was your date?”

“He's such an arrogant jerk!”

“Wait, who? Peter?”

“No!” Lara Jean flopped on her bed, “Kevin.”

“Okay,” Britney turns to face her fully, “back up, who is Kevin?”

“Kevin Choi from AASA, he asked me out, and I thought why not? He’s good looking and it’s low risk, let’s get this over with.”

“Okay.”

“And It’s like yeah he's charming when he's not being condescending, do you know he tried to teach me my own culture?” she stands and starts angrily taking off her dress, flinging to the floor and pulling on her sweat pants. "The best thing about the date was that he paid."

Britney grimaces.

“And then! She sits back down on her bed, pulling on her hoodie, “he asked me to introduce him to my dad for med school recommendation letters!”

“Gross.”

“Ugh,” she groans and flops back down on her bed.

“Why did you even agree to a date?”

She rolls over and hides her face in her pillow, a muffled, “I don't know.” escaping. 

“Why don’t you just date Peter?”

“I'm not even going to dignify that with a response.” Lara Jean says lifting her head up to glare at her.


	8. Chapter 8

“How was your date?” Peter asks her when she sits next to him in class. 

Lara Jean lets her head fall into her hands, and groans loudly. 

“That bad, huh?”

“It was an unmitigated disaster.”

“What did he do?”

“He was condescending the whole date and then had the nerve to ask me if my dad would write him a med school recommendation?”

Peter grimaces. 

“It’s a sign I think.”

“A sign of what?”

“That it’s too soon to start dating.”

The class starts up and they have to stop talking.

*****

Walking out she pulls him aside out of the students streaming out, she wants to make up for cancelling on him at the last minute. 

“Hey, do you want to watch the movie tomorrow night in my room?” 

“Do you even have a tv?” he laughs.

“Well, no...but I have a macbook.”

“A macbook.” he deadpans.

“A tv wasn’t a high priority on my college list?”

Peter appears to be thinking about it.

“Come on, please? I’ll bake you cookies?

“Done.” 

****

“So this is your room?” he asks, he’d walked in and taken off his shoes lining them up next to hers and Britney’s. He takes in the vintage movie posters, the photos of her sisters and Chris taped to the walls, the string of fairy lights, the fluffy pink butterfly chair in the corner. She’d taken all her clothing and shoved it into her dresser before he came over, trying to clean up. It’s not clean but it's neat enough. 

“It feels like you.” 

“Thanks.”

She brings out the container chocolate chip cookies that she baked for them.

He takes one and bites into it, “Oh my god, what did you put in these?”

“They’re my special recipe, I developed them senior year.”

“Seriously?”

“Yeah, they have these chocolate discs instead of chips.”

“Well, these are the best cookies I’ve ever had. Thank you.” he finishes his cookie and grabs another one. 

“But you’ve always baked the best things. Remember those salted caramel cupcakes you made that one time?”

“From the treehouse parties?” she scrunches her face up in surprise, “you remember that?”

“Covey I dream about those cupcakes, I asked for a salted caramel cake for my birthday once and it wasn’t the same.” 

“High praise, Peter.”

He shoves a cookie into his mouth, holding a napkin underneath to catch the crumbs. 

She starts setting up her laptop on her desk.

Peter sits in the fluffy chair, taking the pillow she has in it and tosses it up before catching it.

“Where’s Britney?” 

“I think she’s hanging out with April, the girl she met at the Delta Psi party.” 

“Oh, yeah?”

“They’ve been talking. Speaking about that party, what ever happened to that girl you were talking to?”

“What girl?”

“Kaitlyn?” 

He misses and the pillow drops to the floor. “Nothing, why?” 

She shrugs and says, “I don’t know it seemed like you guys had a thing.”

“She’s just a friend.” he leans over to pick up the pillow and toss it again.

“Does she know that?”

“She should.”

“But you hooked up right?”

Peter stops tossing the pillow and looks at her confused, “Like once? Why are you asking?”

“Oh, I guess I’m just...curious?” it sounds lame to her own ears but it's really not her business, she leans over and presses play. 

***

The final scene of Cinema Paradiso plays, and Lara Jean is barely holding back tears, swallowing against the lump in her throat as the music swells, the end credits finally rolling.

Peter clears his throat and when he speaks his voice is a little husky, “You know you were my first kiss, right?”

“I was?” for some reason this fills her with delight, “I thought for sure Gen was your first kiss.”

“Nah, it was you,” he grins.

“That was my first kiss too. 

Peter smirks, “I kissed you before John?”

“Don’t be so pleased about it.”

“How did you and McClaren actually get together?”

“So, I wrote these letters in middle school, one to each boy I had a crush on at that time.”

“Really? How many was that?” Peter grins.

“Okay, it was five.”

“Damn, Covey.” 

“And John Ambrose was one obviously. I gave him his letter, that’s how we got together,” Lara Jean smiled at the memory of John coming to her house after getting the letter, breathing hard like he ran there, but his whole face lighting up when he saw her. 

“Who were the other guys?”

“No, that's not what we’re focusing on here.”

“Oh come on, you're not gonna tell me?”

“No, I'm not.”

“But if it was middle school then one had to be me right?”

“I told you I'm not telling.”

*****

Going to the diner after watching one of the movies has become a thing they do, not every time, they do have other classes they need to study for, but sometimes when it’s late they both don’t want the night to be over they end up there in a booth in the back. 

She gets her grilled cheese and soda and Peter gets his milkshake and fries. 

“You know you can always order your own fries?”

She shakes her head, “They taste better when they’re not mine.”

“That’s not true, because I had a bite of your grilled cheese last time and it’s not better.”

“It only works for fries,” she reaches over and grabs a couple. 

She pulls her notebook out to look over the essay.

“Okay so, ‘explore the theme of loss in Cinema Paradiso, choosing one specific instance and elaborate on the cause and effect. One thousand words. ”

“I guess virginity would be too obvious.”

“Obviously, the movie is meant to be about more than Salvatore losing his virginity .”

“It was a joke, Covey. But like, virginity in movies always means innocence, so why not?”

“Usually for women.”

He nods conceding her point. 

“Peter…” she taps her fingers debating whether she should even ask but her mouth keeps going before she can think, “When did you lose your virginity?”

He coughed on his shake, “Jesus, Covey.”

She shrugs and tries not to blush. 

“You’ve been really curious about my personal life.”

“I have an naturally inquisitive personality! And I’m trying to test a theory out?”

“What theory is that?”

“Answer me and I’ll explain the theory.” 

“I’ll answer if you answer first.”

“Peter.”

“Covey.”

He tilts his head and waits. They're on this topic because of her, she let her big mouth get away with her and asked 

Lara Jean blushes with her arms crossed, “Okay, FINE. I lost it to John Ambrose.”

Peter tilts his head needing a minute to parse that and then grins, “That wasn’t so hard was it? But then I guess maybe it was Ambrose that was…”

“Peter!” Lara Jean shrieks and pushes him. He cracks up and she starts pummeling his arm. 

“Ow, okay okay!” he laughs.

“What about you?” she raises her eyebrows 

“Well, I lost it to Gen obviously.”

“Obviously,” she prompts, “And?”

“What do you mean, and? Who else I’ve slept with?”

“Ew, no. God no, I meant like, when?”

“No judgement?”

“None.”

Peter smirks and leans forward, “Freshman year.”

Lara Jean’s mouth drops open, “Freshman year!”

“You said no judgment!” 

She winces, “sorry.”

“What about you and McClaren?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Okay fine, Summer before senior year.”

“You waited that long, huh?”

“We wanted to wait until we were ready.”

“What was the theory?”

“About the age and expectations around virginity around gender.”

“And did my answer confirm your theory?”

“Right, Yes. it did.”

****

Lara Jean’s classes get harder with more course load and Peter’s classes do as well, probably to prep everyone before the Thanksgiving break that’s in a couple of weeks. So they haven't been able to watch movies together, instead watching them when they can and texting each other their thoughts back and forth. She didn't realize how much she would miss it, and can’t wait for her social life and sleep schedule to go back to normal. 

“Please leave me here to die.” Lara Jean moans to Janae. 

“This philosophy quiz is going to kick my ass.” Janae mutters.

“Philosophy is easy, you try having Anders for English lit and then we can talk.”

Her phone lights up with a text.

_Hey, are you at the library?_

_Yes, I’ve been suffering since 8_

“Who are you texting?”

“It's just Peter.”

“Ah yes, as always it’s ‘just’ Peter.”

_What floor?_

_4th behind the stacks._

She wonders why he’s asking her when she sees him walking towards her table, he looks exhausted but good, his hair damp and she bets he smells like soap and deodorant. 

“Hey, Covey.” his voice is raspier than usual as if he’s worn out. 

“Peter, That was quick.”

“Hi Peter.” Janae waves.

“Hey, Janae.”

“I was already heading over, I brought you this,” he holds out one of the steaming paper cups. 

“Oh bless you, you sweet, sweet angel.” she says and makes grabby hands for the cup.

She took a sip and it was perfect, her order exactly. A tall white mocha with the seasonal spice syrup added. 

“Cool, if I sit with you guys? My study partner flaked.”

Lara Jean glances at Janae and she shrugs and nods.

“Yeah, of course,” she shoves her stuff off of the chair and Peter sits heavily next to her.

“Thanks.”

“Next time just bring me coffee too.” Janae jokes. 

Peter grins. “Sure thing.” he puts his cup down on the table. Which from experience, Lara Jean knows is filled to the brim with black coffee probably with an extra shot of espresso added, she will never make the mistake of taking a sip of his coffee ever again. 

Janae put her airpods back in, but not before smirking at her, unseen by Peter. He's bent over taking his books out of his bag. 

“What are you working on?” Lara Jean whispers. 

“Psych, I have like 40 pages to read, plus notes.”

She made a sympathetic noise, “Surely your coach gives you guys a break during midterms right?

He scoffs softly, “yeah right.”

She leans her head on her hand and looks at him thoughtfully.

“What?”

“I just never thought about how much you guys have to do.” she comments softly.

“Guys?”

“Student athletes I mean, all the classes and games and stuff, i kind of thought you guys had it easy.”

“Well, professors don't give passing grades just for showing up.”

“Yeah, you never did that at Adler right?”

Peter shakes his head, “my mom would kill me if I had less than a B average class.”

Janae takes out an air pod and hisses, “I can hear you guys, just study.”

“Sorry,” Lara Jean whispers back.

Peter just shrugs, but they both grow quiet with their reading, he shifts slightly to get more comfortable and ends up with his leg pressed against hers the whole time and she barely gets any studying done at all. 

***

“How are you enjoying college now?” Margot asks

Lara Jean pauses and considers, “I am now. I think it was harder at first. I didn’t think about how I would have to do things on my own. But it’s good now, I made friends and I feel like I got a handle on this.”

“What about clubs, did you join the AASA like I suggested?”

“Yeah…”she can’t help but pull a face and of course Margot notices, even over low quality facetime.

‘What’s wrong with it?”

“I went on a date with one of the officers, and it went bad.”

Margot grimaces, “Anyway to avoid him?”

“Maybe? He’s the vice president.”

“Lara Jean!” Margot exclaims, “first off proud of you for going on a date.”

“Thanks?”

“Second, maybe don’t go to meetings for a bit?”

Lara Jean slumps, “We have a fundraising bake sale I volunteered for.”

Margot laughs, “Well good luck.”


	9. Chapter 9

“You know what I miss most?” She stares up at the beige popcorn texture of the dorm room ceiling. 

“What?” Peter turns away from the glow of her laptop, the end credits playing.

“Sex.” she can feel her cheeks get hot, embarrassment spreading like a blanket over her, but she feels like she could talk to Peter about this. She feels like she could talk to Peter about anything. 

Peter laughs, “That’s what Tinder’s for.”

“I don’t know if that’s really my thing,” Lara Jean grimaces, “do you use it?”

He sets her laptop on her desk and stretches out, leaning against the wall her bed was pushed against, “I did.”

“Scoot over Peter, your legs are too long.” She huffs and plops her legs over his. “What was that like?”

He doesn't seem to know how to respond exactly, before saying, “It’s not difficult to find someone if they’re down.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re a super hot jock.” She rolls her eyes and thumps her heel lightly on his thigh. He grabs her foot to stop her from doing it again. 

Peter laughs, “Covey, there’s literally dozens of guys that would make out with you.”

“What? How do you know that?” she sits up abruptly, jerking her foot out of his hand. 

“I know,” he shrugs, “they’ve asked me about you.”

“Really?” She has a delighted smile on her face. “I didn't know.”

Peter looks incredulous, “Come on Covey, you know you’re cute right?”

“You think I’m cute?” she smiles and scrunches her nose up and pokes him with a sock covered toe. 

Peter rolls his eyes, “you’ve always been cute.” 

“Anyway,” she sighs and drops back down on her bed, “I don’t want to hook up with someone I don’t know.”

“So get to know someone before making out with them,” he says like its that simple. He lifts her feet off his lap placing them to the side and lays down, his head on her pillow next to her. She can feel his breath against her cheek when she turns to face him. Up close like this, his eyelashes are even longer than she thought they were, and his eyes aren’t just brown, they’re chocolate and mocha and caramel, all her favorites swirled together. 

She pauses and tries to remember what they were talking about. “That’s hard.”

“What’s hard about it?”

“Getting to know someone,” she rolls onto her back, away from his gaze, “sometimes I wish I could fast forward to the part where all the awkward stuff is out of the way.”

Peter hums like he agrees with her but didn't exactly have a response. 

“Would you hook up with me?” She asks impulsively. 

“Are you serious?” he asks abruptly, shifting away from her, leaning up on his elbow.

Lara Jean shrugs carefully, nonchalant about the whole thing, “Yeah? Why not?” but she’s less sure than she was a moment ago.

“You want to hook up with me?” Peter looks, as if he’s still processing her question. 

She bites her lip and nods, regretting it already.

“Yeah, I guess? We can be friends with benefits?” 

Peter smirks, “Or you know, Fu— “

“Don’t say it!” she interrupts him and slaps a hand over his mouth. The contact may have been a mistake, Peter’s lips are warm and dry underneath the palm of her hand, and each breath he takes tickles against her skin. 

He reaches up and pulls her hand down, holding on to it.

She feels like she needs to start explaining herself. “We hang out a lot already aaaaand we’ve already kissed before.” 

“We were 12.” He still wasn't looking at her, thoughtfully playing with her hand instead.

She sighs, ”And I don’t want to be in a relationship.”

“Okay.” he says again and glances up at her now, a smile in the corner of his mouth. 

“And I know you don’t want to be in a relationship.”

Peter looks weird for a minute, so she just keeps going, “So let’s just like...release some tension?” she raises her eyebrows hopefully.

Peter cracks up.

She yanks her hand out of his, “Fine! never mind, if you’re not into it just say so, you don't have to laugh at me.” She’s fully embarrassed now and wishes she could take it back and starts scooting to get off her bed.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, no. Covey that's not why. It's just this is really sudden, you gotta give me a minute to catch up okay?” he reaches for her arm to stop her. 

“Ok.” she settles back down next to him, feeling awkward now. She reaches over to play with the string of his hoodie instead. When she looks up, Peter is looking at her lips. 

She bites her lip and blurts out, “Well, do you want to?”

Peter doesn’t answer immediately. 

She glances down to his lips and then back up. Peter’s already watching her through half lidded eyes.

“Alright.” he says softly.

***

God, Peter is a good kisser. Like, a really, really good kisser.

He’d leaned towards her slowly, his eyes never leaving her mouth, until he was barest breath from brushing against her lips. She closed that distance with a sigh, her lips sliding over his. 

Her eyes slide shut when he deepens the kiss, her mouth parting for him. Peter kisses nothing like she expected, his hand on the side of her neck huge and hot, cupping her jaw and holding her still for how he wants to kiss her. And how he wants to kiss her is with slow, melting kisses, the soft pressure of his tongue against hers making her brain fizzle out and sputter, all rational thought long gone. She feels dizzy with it, with all of it, the way he kisses and the weight of Peter over her, the way that his hands feel on her, her hands in his hair trying to tug him closer and closer.

He shifts and kisses the soft juncture of her jaw and neck, zeroing in on a spot that makes her gasp when he finds it. 

“what was that?” Peter smirks, teasing her softly. 

“Shut up,” she mutters and pulls him back in, his lips on hers the only thing she cares about right now. 

“Can I?” he murmurs, his voice husky, and she nods. His hand was gripping her thigh where it was wound around his hip and he moves it to just underneath the hem of her shirt, his fingertips resting briefly against the skin at her waist. He slides his hand up, his thumb catching against the bottom band of her bra, the rest curving around her, his thumb brushing against the hardened tip of her nipple. 

Lara Jean is so focused on kissing him she didn’t even hear the tell tale beep of her roommate unlocking the door.

Britney swings the door open and stands still in the entrance, Lara Jean wrenches away from Peter with an embarrassingly wet sound and lifts her head to stare open mouthed in shock.

“Uh, I can come back.” the door swings shut after her.

“Shit.” She scrambles out from under Peter. 

Peter flops over onto his back, covering his eyes with his arm.

“Are you okay? 

“Just give me a minute.” He’s breathing hard trying to calm himself down.

Lara Jean clears her throat, ‘Uh, so it looks like chemistry is not gonna be an issue.” She touches her puffy and sensitive lips. 

He chuckles softly beside her, “Not a problem at all.”

****

When Britney comes back to the room 30 minutes later she knocks first and then sticks her head in.

“All clear?”

“Yes. I’m so so so sorry about that.”

She walks in smirking, “I thought you and Peter were just friends? Looks like you've moved wayyy beyond that.”

“It wasn’t like, planned or anything we were talking and then we were...kissing.”  
“So are you finally taking mine and Janae’s advice and dating the guy?”

“I guess, or just friends with benefits? Buddies with cuddlies?” she jokes trying to diffuse the situation. 

“Oh no, Lara Jean, no.” she drops the bathrobe and pajamas she was gathering. 

“What?”

“You're fu—”

“Stop! Why does everyone seriously call it that?”

“Because that's what it is?” She picks her stuff back up.

“Well, why can't it be something like; makeout partners or helping out a friend why is it so...crass”

Britney shrugs putting her hair up into a topknot, “Well you better figure out what you want to call it because I’ve only ever seen fu—”

Lara Jean glares at her.

She rolls her eyes and corrects, “mutually beneficial partnerships…end badly.”

“Well this won’t,” she shakes her head, “neither of us want a relationship.”

“Keep telling yourself that, I’m gonna shower.”

She flops back onto her bed after Britney leaves and stares back up at the ceiling. 

Maybe setting some rules would be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Really wasn't trying to draw it out lol, but as much requested...hooking up.


	10. Chapter 10

“Hey, Covey,” Peter opens the door grinning, already leaning down to kiss and she tilts her head, his lips awkwardly catching the edge of her mouth instead. She tries to ignore his confused look as she walks into the living room. 

“Hey, Lara Jean.” Sunil calls out from the kitchen. 

“Hey, Sunil.” She's waves, glad someone else is home that can serve as a distraction. 

Peter walks into the kitchen and she hears their low murmurs as she gets comfortable on the couch, before Sunil sighs loudly and says, “I’m heading to the dining hall, I’ll see y'all later.”

“Oh, bye.” she calls out before turning back towards Peter, her eyes narrowed.

“Did you just kick him out?”

“Nah…”

Lara Jean raises an eyebrow and waits.

“Okay, maybe I did.” he shrugs unapologetically. Peter slumps down on the couch next to her, tossing his bag of chips onto the coffee table. 

“Soooo.” 

“So?” Peter reaches and offers her the bag which she waves off before eating a couple of chips.

“I think we need...rules.”

He scoffs, “Rules?”

She bites her lips nervously but goes on, “I just thought if we were going to be…” she gestures helplessly into the space between the two of them. 

“Hooking up?” he supplies.

“Yes, okay fine,” rolling her eyes she says, “if we’re ‘Hooking up,’ maybe we should have rules?”

“You really know how to zap the fun out of a situation.” he wipes his hand on his napkin, leaning back and throwing his arm on the back of his couch, “okay, shoot.”

She pulls out her laptop, opening up google docs.

He has a small grin watching her do all of this, like he’s amused by all this...or her. 

“Okay, number 1. No pressuring to do anything either of us are uncomfortable with.”

Peter’s face falls and looks kind of hurt, “Of course, I should hope that's a given.”

“It’s for you too, I don't want you doing this if you're feeling like...I don’t know, I pressured you into it or…”

“I’m fine.” he cuts her off. 

She frowns but decides to move on, “Okay fine, and you can’t like, text me ‘U up?’ at midnight.”

He laughs, “Got it. No hitting you up late night.”

“No hooking up with other people.”

“So,” he points between the two of them, “we’re exclusive?”

“Let’s say, exclusively casual.”

Peter shrugs, “Okay well then, you need to come with me to parties.”

“What? No.”

“Covey, we’re not together but if other girls see you they’ll at least back off.”

“And it’s so hard for you to avoid temptation?” she crosses her arms.

He rolls his eyes, “It’s easier, okay?”

“Fine.” 

“Okay then, we’re fake dating for the duration of us hooking up until one or both of us agree to terminate.”

Lara Jean laughs and types that in, “Are you pre-law?”

“Maybe? I was thinking about it,” he grins.

“Okay I think that’s it.” she types the rest of the list in, “I sent it to you.”

“Got it.” he says tapping the alert on his phone. 

“Anything else?”

Peter shrugs, “not that I can think of.”

“Ok.” she slides her computer off her lap on to the seat cushion. 

“Can I kiss you now?”

“You have my consent.” she laughs until he covers her mouth with his. 

***

“Hey, Lara Jean, you never answered my text.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry Kevin, school just got so busy.” she inches towards the door. 

“Well how about we hang out this weekend? You never gave me your father’s contact info either, by the way.”

“I’m...I actually started seeing someone,” she blurts out. 

“Oh. cool. Well, nevermind, see you at meetings?” 

“Yeah.”

He nods and walks out.

She lets out a sigh of relief, and walks in the opposite direction from Kevin back to her dorms. 

***

They started making out less than halfway through the movie, her shirt hiked up around her armpits and Peter had been seconds away from tugging down her bra to touch her bare skin and now he’s stopped. 

“Wait, Britney isn’t going to interrupt us this time is she?”

“I texted her and for extra security but a scrunchie on the door, we’re cool.”

He laughs and leans back down, kissing her neck, until she pulls him back up to kiss him. 

Peter pulls back again, “What do you like?”

“What do you mean?” Lara Jean asks a little breathlessly leaning up onto her elbows.

He studies her face, before sitting back and asking again, “What do you like? In bed I mean?”

“Oh.” she sits up and pulls her shirt down, “Don’t you know what to do?” she says it lightly like it's a joke. Obviously, Peter knows what to do, he’s more experienced than she is, but she’s never done this with anyone else but John. 

Peter rolls his eyes but grins, “I want to know what you like, Lara Jean.”

“Uh.” she’s thinking but can feel herself getting pink, she swallows, “this is embarrassing.”

He lifts an eyebrow, “Why is it embarrassing?”

‘I don’t know.” she mumbles.

John and she were both virgins caught up in the romance of losing it to each other, and they never really did this part. It was all, fumbling discovery and excited whispering when something felt good. It was good with John, it was sweet and romantic and that’s...not what this is with Peter. 

“John and I had sex obviously.” 

He nods.

“But like, we would just try stuff and I would tell him if it felt good, but like I’ve never” she gestures helplessly towards her body, “told him what to do.”

“Well,” he leans towards her and says, “why don't we try that?” 

“Try what?”

“I touch you,” he leans back over her, laying them back down on her bed, “And you let me know if you like it.”

She thinks for a second and then nods, pulling him back down into a kiss. 

“I like when you kiss my neck.” she whispers.

He makes an encouraging noise, leaning back down to kiss her jaw, trailing to just beneath her ear. 

“Like this? 

“Yeah,” she says a little breathlessly

“What else?” He asks softly, his breath hot against her skin. 

“When you…” her thought derails when he kisses beneath her ear, “Peter” she sighs out. She tugs at his shirt pulling it over his head. 

“Can I?” His hand is on her leg, waiting. 

She holds her breath in anticipation of what comes next, but it seems like he’s waiting for her. 

Lara Jean nods, “Please, Peter.” and he slides his hand up her skirt, touching the soft skin of her inner thigh, his fingers brushing against the cotton of her underwear.

“Shit, Lara Jean,” He says when he touches her, skimming over the waistband and then down. She gasps at the first brush of his fingers against her.

“Like this,” she murmurs and reaches down, moving his hand to show him and he kisses her, swallowing all her gasps and cries until she shivers and comes. 

***

Lara Jean looks up at the knock, the door already ajar. 

“Hey,” she smiles at Janae when she sticks her head around the door. She comes in and shoves a pile of her clothes to the foot of the bed so she can sit down.

“I was gonna fold those!” 

“No, you weren’t” Janae laughs

“I really wasn’t.”

“You want to hang out in Portland over break?”

“Yeah, that’d be really fun.”

“There’s this band that I’ve been dying to see that’s playing a show.”

“Oh yeah? That sounds like it would be fun.” she walks over to her mini fridge and pulls out a lacroix handing it to Janae and opening her own, flopping onto her clothes. 

“And I think there’s this big party that’s happening, if that’s your thing.”

“Port Smith kids?” If it’s Janae’s crowd, there’s a good chance that she can avoid John the whole entire break. 

“Yeah, don’t know if you know David Meyers but he’s rich and his parents don’t care about him so...party!” she laughs.

“Maybe.” she shrugs.

Janae tilts her head, “No, I want an affirmative yes or no. No, “maybe” so you can flake out.” 

“Fine, I’ll come.” she laughs, “I’ll just see if Peter wants to go.”

“Oh yeah, Britney told me you guys were…”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, “yes we’re hooking up.” she’s made her peace with the phrase. 

“No judgement. Peter is attractive...for a white guy.”

“Not your type?” she laughs.

Janae shrugs and sips her seltzer, “Not what I usually go for, no, but I see the appeal. Tall, cute, and built, I get it.”

“Kind, funny and sweet.” Lara Jean counters, feeling the need to defend Peter. He’s so much more than what people immediately judge him as. “He remembered to bring you coffee the last time we were all hanging out.”

“And that’s why you're hooking up with him?”

“Actually yes, I trust him. And know he won’t be rude or disrespectful.” she shrugs, “How many guys that you’ve met in college can you say that about?”

“Fair point but those aren’t the qualities on my list for a fuck buddy.”

“Well they are on mine.” 

“And you’re sure neither one of you wants a relationship?” she asks skeptically.

“Janae.” she snaps.

“Sorry, letting it drop. I really hope you know what you’re doing.”

“I do.”

“Okay.” Janae says and gives her a look like, she already feels bad for her.


	11. Chapter 11

She really did mean to watch “In the Mood for Love,” but ever since they started their arrangement it’s been difficult to even get through a movie without at the very least making out. It’s on Peter’s computer, the soundtrack playing in the background. 

“Oh,” she turns red, and lifts her hips when Peter unbuttons her jeans and pulls them down. 

“These are different,” Peter chuckles, flicking the red bow on the waistband of her underwear, which today was, oh god, pale pink with smiling strawberries and bananas on it. 

“I got them when we went to Korea, leave me alone.”

“They’re cute.” he grins shuffling down, until his face is level with her belly button.

“Wait, stop.”

“Are you okay?” Peter asks, glancing back up. 

“You're going to?” she gestures towards her crotch.

“Yeah, Why not? Do you not like it?” 

“It's just,” she bites her lip nervously, she liked it when she and John did this sometimes, but he was her boyfriend and Peter is her, “boy space between the words friend”, and it feels way too intimate and personal.

“I do, just I don’t know.”

“If I do anything you don't like, just let me know and I’ll stop and I can try something else okay?” his voice goes husky with want, “But I’d like to make you come like this.”

And with that admission, how can she say no? 

“Yeah, okay.” she does trust Peter, she wouldn't be doing this with him if she didn't. 

He pulls her underwear down and off, settling between. She parts her legs slightly, making room for him. She twitches when she feels his breath against her thighs, his palms gently pushing her legs further apart, but pauses when he hears the noise she makes. 

“It's fine just…” she wiggles a little, flopping back down and tries to relax. She can’t stare at the acoustic tile of her dorm room ceiling while he does this so she squeezes her eyes shut, feeling the huff of his laugh against her. 

At the first touch of his tongue against her she moans, unable to help it.

Well, Peter knew what he was doing, clearly.

She can practically feel his smugness radiate but she doesn't care because her hips are hitching against him, as he works her with his mouth. She keeps trying to keep quiet but it's like he is trying to intentionally find all the spots or angles that will make her cry out. He slides his fingers inside of her right when he flicks his tongue against her and she has to slap a hand over her mouth to muffle her shriek. He stops, glancing up at her, and she nearly knees him in the side, to get him to keep going.

“No, it's good, it's good, just keep doing that,” she says breathlessly. 

He leans back down and oh god, sucks and she cries out unable to stop, grabbing his hair and fisting it as she, Jesus, comes against his lips and fingers. 

“Okay?” he asks.

“Jeez.” she pants. 

Peter laughs and sits up.

“Just,” she exhales, “give me a minute and I can do you.”

****

She’d texted him while she was packing for tomorrow, her dad coming first thing to pick her up for thanksgiving break. 

Britney left that afternoon, “You know I wont be here to interrupt anything tonight, you should take advantage of that,” she laughed before leaving in her uber. 

_Want to come over and hang out? We can finish watching, “In the Mood for Love,” since you we didn’t. ;-)”_

She automatically regrets her text, flinging her phone so she won’t have to see his response, but it lights up on her bed with a new text. She flips it over to see.

 _Sure._

****

“Hey,” he smiles down at her, “You’re still packing?”

“Don’t judge me.” she laughs, “I’m mostly done.” she nudges her suitcase with her clothing piled it in underneath her bed. 

“Do you need a ride tomorrow? Sorry, I didn’t ask sooner, I have my jeep on campus.”

“Oh no, my dad’s coming, I didn’t know.”

Peter shrugs, “It’s cool.” he sits on her bed, “You wanted to start the—” she cuts him off with a kiss, laughing as they fall onto her bed.

****

She pulls back, “Wait,” she whispers.

Peter stops immediately. 

Lara Jean pauses and sits back, nervous, “I have condoms if you want to—?”

“Yeah, yeah, okay,” he whispers in surprise, “are you sure?”

“Yes, I am.”

She slides off the bed to grab a condom from her backpack. When she turns back around, she’s still sure but she’s nervous all of a sudden. Peter’s the first guy she’ll be with since John and she never really thought about that before starting all of this. That John will no longer be her one and only but will just be the first.

He’s sitting at the edge of her bed, watching her with dark eyes.

“Come here,” he says softly, his face soft and open. 

When she gets closer he pulls her by the waist in the space between his legs. When she’s standing in front of him like this, they're almost the same height. His hands are underneath her t-shirt but they’re still, resting heavy and hot against her skin, he keeps watching her, his gaze flicking from her lips to eyes, and it’s Lara Jean who leans forward and kisses him. He makes a noise that sounds like a sigh of relief, she can feel him smile a little against her lips. 

She parts her mouth and closes her eyes, deepening the kiss, his tongue sliding against hers until she breaks it with a gasp.

“Shit,” he murmurs, “can I? He has the bottom of her shirt clenched in his fists and she reaches and helps him take it off. 

“Jesus, Covey,” he looks awed, but that's silly. It’s just a bralette, she wishes she had worn something sexy or cute. But he looks at her like he thinks she’s sexy and cute. 

“What?” 

“Just,” He swallows, “you're really,” he doesn't finish, cutting himself off instead. He leans forward to kiss the triangle of skin between the cups, his lips trailing across and brushing against the hard point of her nipple.

“Peter,” she says softly, sliding her hands through his hair.

“Hang on a sec,” he reaches for her leg and in a single move pulls her up and into his lap. 

She laughs a little breathlessly after he does it, caught off guard.

“That was very smooth, Kavinsky.” 

“Yeah?” He grins. 

“Come on, you too,” she says, tugging on his shirt.

“Right,” he huffs out almost like he had forgotten he was even wearing clothing. He reaches behind him and pulls it off one handed, tossing his shirt to the side. She stares a little open-mouthed for a moment, she knew Peter was in shape from lacrosse, but this is ridiculous.

She must have said something or made a noise, because he's laughing, delighted.

“Shut up,” she groans in embarrassment and pushes on his shoulder. He goes down easy, flat on his back and smiling up at her. 

She leans back down to kiss him, her hair trailing over his chest until he reaches and slides his hand through her hair, cupping her head as they kiss.

She’s unprepared for it when he turns, moving so she’s underneath him. 

“Okay I get it, you’re strong,” she laughs.

He smirks but quiets when he reaches down, his hands resting on the waistband of her leggings. 

“I’m going to take these off.” 

“Yeah, okay.” she swallows and lifts her hips to help Peter tug them off, taking her underwear with them.

“Fuck,” he says under his breath.

Peter leans back over her, kissing her, his hand trailing up the inside of her thigh and then brushing against her, softly. 

“Okay?” he whispers against her lips and her yes is lost in their kiss. 

He’s teasing her, his touch just barely there, everywhere but where she wants him.

“Come on.” she groans her hips shifting restlessly against his fingers, finally slipping into her when he kisses her again, swallowing her cry as he touches her. She thought the last time he did this was good and now it’s like, he knows exactly how to touch her, his fingertips brushing softly against her, his thumb moving with just the right pressure.

“Like this?”

“Yes,” she gasps, but this isn’t all she wants, reaching down for his sweats and he removes his hand from her, helping her push them down and off. 

“Ah...” she clears her throat when glances down, going red. 

“Um, if you don’t want…”

“I do, I do.” she reassures him, handing him the condom from where it was in the sheets. 

Peter leans back and tears the packet open with his teeth, taking the condom out and rolling it on. He lays back down next to her and is surprised when he pulls her back on top of him.  
“Wait, wait,” she whispers frantically. 

“What, sorry, sorry, we can stop.” he lifts his hands away.

“No, It's just...I’ve haven’t really done it like this.” 

Peter leans up on one elbow, his hand cupping her flushed cheek he brushed his thumb over her lips, saying softly, “We can switch or do it another way if you want?”

“Just,” Lara Jean bites her lip, “show me?

“Okay,” that same open and soft look from before on his face, “I’ve got you Covey,”

She leans down to kiss him, and he puts his hands back around her waist guiding her, until she's astride and over him. He reaches down between their bodies, lining himself up until she could feel the smooth latex covered tip of him rubbing against her. It makes her want more, as she shifts and sinks down on to him, her breath catching and stuttering out as she does. Peter’s eyes squeeze shut, gripping her gratifyingly tight as she shifts and moves trying to find the right angle. 

It feels so different like this.

“Hang on, hang on,” Peter grinds out, holding her hips to stop her.

“Are you okay?” she asks.

“Yeah, you're just…” he drops his head back heavily on to her pillows, “You feel really...really good. Give me a second.” he takes a few deep breaths and she stays still until he opens his eyes again.

“Okay, okay I’m good.”

“Yeah?” She lifts a little and drops back down, when she does it again, he thrusts up into her, the movement catching her by surprise. 

“Oh god,” Lara Jean moans.

Good? He breathes out, and thrusts up again, a little harder. 

“So good.” She leans forward and braces her hands on either side of his head, rolling her hips against him every time he thrusts up into her, his hands guiding her and grinding her down on every stroke. It feels so good but it isn't enough, she reaches down to where they’re joined seeking and groaning when she starts to rub herself in counterpoint to his thrusts. 

“Don’t stop,” she whimpers, “I’m so…”

“Lara Jean, fuck, fuck” Peter rasps out, gripping her hips he thrusts up into her once, twice, and she cries out and comes shuddering and slumping forward against his chest. 

She feels him move and shake underneath her as he comes too. 

He kisses the side of her neck, his arm going around her, like he wants to cuddle and that’s not a thing hook ups do.

“Let me just,” she moves awkwardly to climb off him, Peter making sure to hold the condom as she gets up. She grabs her robe and pulls it on and he watches her with an unreadable expression.

“I'm gonna go...pee.” she points over her shoulder at her door and flees. 

She learned the hard way that she should do it as soon as possible otherwise she’d be popping cipro and chugging cranberry juice for a week and she doesn't want to go through that again. 

When she comes back into her room Peter is almost fully dressed, tugging his hoodie back on. 

“Hey,” he says flatly. 

“So...um, I’ll see you during break?”

“Uh, yeah, if you want?” 

“Sure.”

He leans down to kiss her cheek briefly before leaving. 

Lara Jean sits down on her bed, Peter seemed weird, and they both agreed to no strings attached sex, so why does she feel like she did something wrong?

**********


	12. Chapter 12

“Dad!” She exclaims and flings her arms around him.

“Hey there, college girl, you all ready?”

“Yes.” she gestures to the small rolling suitcase she brought down. 

Dad looks skeptical, “That’s all you’re bringing?”

“Come on, I still have so many clothes at home.”

“That’s true, Kitty seems to be having fun borrowing your stuff,” he grabs her suitcase and puts it in the back.

“She is?!” she shouldn’t be upset, she didn't bring them to college, so technically, she cant get mad if she does wear them, “Where is Kitty?”

“She’s with Trina, they went grocery shopping for tomorrow.”

“She didn’t even want to come down to see me?

“I asked and she said, ‘Why would I go? Lara Jean’s gonna be here all week’.”

Lara Jean rolled her eyes but hops into the passenger seat, “That’s Kitty.”

“Ready to go?”

“Yeah.” she says, a big grin on her face.

*****

“Lara Jean!” Kitty runs over to her and wraps her in a hug.

“Aw, you do love me.” 

“I might have missed you.”

“You did?”

“Just a little,” Kitty shrugs, “We got you the ingredients you texted for desserts.”

“Excellent, pumpkin and apple pie?”

“Check!”

“Salted Caramel cupcakes?”

“Check.”

“I missed you too, Kitty.” she hugs her again, until Kitty squirms out of the embrace.

****

Chris comes over that night, back in town for Thanksgiving from her Costa Rica adventures. 

“So, how is it?” 

“Classes are good, I’m in—” Lara Jean replies, painting her toes. 

“No dummy, college guys.”

She sets the bottle of coral to the side, sighing, “College guys are fine, but I’m not really dating anyone.”

Chris clucks her tongue, “You need to get back out there and ride some hot guys dick. Like I told you to.” 

Lara Jean sighed and tilted her head back and forth debating, before admitting to herself that Chris would figure it out eventually, “Okay, what I told you was not exactly true.”

“Huh?”

“I kind of am seeing someone? It's more like...a friend with benefits kind of thing?” 

“You have a fuckbuddy?” Chris’s mouth was open in shock, like she couldn’t actually believe she went through with it.

“Shut up!!” Lara Jean hisses.

“I never would have thought you had it in you!” she wipes away an imaginary tear, “I’m so proud. Well who is it? I wanna see his socials.”

She covers her face and mumbles through her palms, “Peter.”

“Peter who?” Chris asks in confusion, “this is the guy at college?”

She lowers her hands and peeks at her, “Yeah, but also you already know him.”

Chris is silent for a beat and then Lara Jean could see when it clicks for her, “Kavinsky?!” She yells incredulously. 

“Be quiet!” Lara Jean hisses.

“Lara Jean Song Covey, you better start at the beginning!”

She sighs and starts to tell her everything. 

“Well...how is he?” 

Lara Jean groans and falls backward onto her floor.

She lifts her head to see Chris staring at her. She drops her head in her back and mutters.

“hesreallygood.”

“HA!” Chris yells in triumph. 

Lara Jean rolls over onto her stomach burying her face in a pile of her clothes, “I think I’m starting to like him.”

“Really?”

“Hey!”

“That’s against fuckbuddies 101, girl. Are you sure this isn’t just the spectacular orgasms speaking?”

She flings a shirt at Chris’s head.

“Hey!” she dodges.

“No, it’s not! He’s actually really kind and sweet and the last time we were together I kind of messed up and now I don’t know what to do.” Lara Jean moans.

“Why don’t you call him? Maybe go out on a date or something, and see what happens?”

“I guess.” she pauses fiddling with her hair, “You don’t think it’s too soon after John do you?”

Chris rolls her eyes, “When Kavinsky was making you come—”

“Chris!”

“—You weren't thinking about little ole Johnny were you?”

“Well, no.”

“So, maybe it’s time to actually start dating again.”

****

“This is the smallest turkey in existence.” Kitty complains, setting the mashed potatoes and gravy on the table. 

“It’s just the four of us. Halmoni and Hal-abeoji are spending Thanksgiving with Auntie Carrie and Uncle Victor this year.” 

“Ugh, that means they’re with cousin Haven.” 

Lara Jean tries to be fair, “She’s not that bad.”

Kitty raises her eyebrows in askance, “She made fun of you going to PNWU just cause she was going to Wellesley.” 

“Okay fine, she’s the worst.”

****

They set up an ipad at the end of the table, Margot facetiming in from St. Andrews, which is why they were eating at noon instead of 4 like they did usually. 

“Let’s go around the table and all say what we’re thankful for.” Dad 

“I’m thankful we’re not spending thanksgiving with Haven.”

“Kitty.” Dad sighs but Lara Jean and Margot are laughing. 

“I’m thankful that I’m coming home for Christmas and that I was able to register for all my major classes next semester.” Margot goes. 

“Uni?” Kitty mouths at Lara Jean. 

“I’m thankful that my first semester has been going well and that my pies turned out perfectly.”

Trina points at herself in question, “Okay, I’m thankful to spend thanksgiving with all of you, instead of eating chinese in my sweats with Henry on the couch like last year.”

“I’m thankful Trina is here with us.” Dad says and the two of them share a private smile. 

Lara Jean is laying on the couch, watching Pretty in Pink and taking a break before her third plate of food and second one of dessert.

Her phone chimes on the coffee table and she lethargically reaches for it, groaning when it falls and she has to roll over to get it off the floor.

_You’re still coming tomorrow night aren't you?_

Lara Jean purses her lips and types out, _Yes, I’m coming._

Janae texts her the address to the party, and Lara Jean bites her lip and then opens up her texts. 

_Hey Peter, Happy Thanksgiving._

_Happy turkey day, whats up?_

_Janae told me about this party Friday with some Port Smith kids...want to go?_

_A party?_

_Yeah._

_Are you inviting me?_

The ellipses appear and disappear while she writes reply after reply and deletes it before settling on,

_Yeah, I guess I am?_

She bites her nails while she sees his pending reply. 

_Alright, I’ll pick you up at 9?_

She grins.

****

“Why are you dressed up?” Kitty asks, reaching for a freshly frosted cupcake.

“Stop Kitty, those aren’t for you. And I am not.” She’d only curled her hair and put on a dress. It’s not even like a sexy dress, it’s short but the sleeves are long with cuffs and a peter pan collar. 

“Why’d you even bake cupcakes then??”

“They’re for a friend.”

‘Who’s this friend?”

Peter rings the doorbell and before Lara Jean can get it, Kitty runs to the door and throws it open. 

“Who are you?”

“Kitty, don’t be rude,” She sighs and pushes past her to open the door for Peter. 

“Hey, Covey, you look pretty.” He tilts his head and says, “little Covey.”

“This is Kitty.”

“Hey, Kitty.”

“Only my friends call me Kitty. My name is Katherine Song Covey, thank you very much.” She looks suspiciously at Peter. “You went to Adler with Lara Jean.”

“Yes, same year.”

“Why'd I never see you then?”

“Umm,” Peter looks at Lara Jean, panicking slightly. 

“We hung out when we were kids but you were probably too young to remember.” Lara Jean says. 

“I was 7.” Kitty rolls her eyes and walks off into the living room. 

“Wooo, she’s tough isn’t she?”

“You should have seen how she was with John.” she laughs.

Peter smiles slightly but doesn’t laugh.

“I have something for you.” 

“What’s something?” Peter grins lazily. He follows her into the kitchen, leaning over onto the island expectantly, “Well?”

She lifts the lid off the cake stand, “Ta dah.”

“You made me cupcakes?” Peter asks. 

“Yeah, salted caramel, your favorite?” her smile slips as she takes in the weird expression on Peter’s face. "Is this okay? this isn't like weird right? because..."

He nods and reaches for a cupcake shaking his head a little and smiling, “No, no, thank you, Lara Jean. This is really...really nice. I was just...surprised.”

“Okay.” she says a little nervously, wiping her sweaty hands against her dress. She picks up a cupcake and delicately peels away the paper, “I had the hardest time keeping them away from Kitty.” 

He takes a bite and slumps against the counter, “These are even better than I remember.”

Lara Jean takes a bite, “I think next time I’ll do dark chocolate cake, it could better compliment the caramel.”

"I will happily try the results." Peter reaches over and takes her hand, “Thank you. Really. No one has ever baked me anything like this.”

She smiles but slips her hand out from underneath his, “We should get going.”

“Right,” he reached over to grab another cupcake, she smirks at him, “What? Who knows when I’ll get to have another one?” 

He eats it on the way out, jogging over to open her door for her. Before she climbs up she bumps him with her hip, “I’ll just bake you some for your birthday.”

She doesn’t see his grin at that, already walking around to the other side of the jeep.


End file.
